Being Blinded

Chapter Sixteen

Ever feel like things are just going too good in your life? Not often I would have said that yes, I in fact do feel that way. That is until Alfie and I found our way back to each other. My parents seem to have pulled their heads from their asses and I have rocked up to my 'Natural Nutrition' class only to find out it's been cancelled.

Despite the chill that May can't quite seem to chase away, the sun bleeds through all the gaps in the trees, wrapping my skin in a warmth that seems to reinvigorate my brain. Slices of energy slides into the very depths of my bones, lessening the exhaustion that lives there.

Sleep isn't as hard to find at the moment, not when Alfie fucked the life out of me and then managed to soothe me into a midday nap that lasted five hours. As well as the fact I don't seem to be constantly swarmed by worry for Phoebe and how she is alone in her apartment.

It's not just that she isn't alone anymore, with Toni there in a way I could never be, but it's also knowing that this time she has the choice about letting our parents back in. I know she feels guilty, for an opportunity that doesn't often happen and that so many would kill for.

The bewilderment of the whole thing doesn't lessen the scars that they've left, years of mistreatment and disappointment can't just be washed away. If it feels hard to decide for me, then I could only imagine the way it's ripping her apart, only Phoebe wants to do it all alone.

No, me weighing in and no Toni either. It's strange to be proud of someone while being left out too. Phoebe says it's up to me if I reach out too, but it doesn't feel right, it took me too long to lingering around them for it to feel right to jump right back at first opportunity.

It always hurts, but I always have Phoebe and I have found my own family over the years too, it helps soothes some of the aches of losing them.

Clicking on Alfie's contact is a natural as breathing, time seems to move so fast around us all the time that it doesn't feel like I should be allowed to be so wrapped up in him. Like maybe I'm not doing the right thing in getting so swallowed up by us, letting my feelings grow too quickly.

I thought I had gotten good at not letting the way I previously felt get in the way of us growing together, and yet looking at his contact and hearing his voice. It reminds me how close I am too falling all the way for him, maybe I already have but I've been trying to let him make the first moves.

It might be easy to forget how difficult it is for him to let me in all the way, but that doesn't mean he isn't still just as scares as he was the day in his bathtub.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Alfie asks suspiciously as the dull ringing gives way to his gravelly voice. Eight-am classes are something that only I really suffer through anymore, Imogen and I however, kind of like them.

Even his grumpiness makes me smile, contentment calms my racing heart as I make my way back to the car. "Cancelled. Seems irresponsible considering how close we are to final exams but alas, he has"

"Free pass then" He chuckles, not letting me forget how I ditched a day of classes last week to spend it in bed with him. "But you know what happens if you lie to me"

My entire body breaks out in traitorous goosebumps that I'm thankful he doesn't see, every reminder of the way he presses me into his mattress, or over his knee, makes my legs weaken. Shame isn't a word in my vocabulary when it comes to sex with him, at least nothing I don't want to feel.

"Let me come up with one then" I tease, "Although, I was thinking that maybe we could go get breakfast together, since I'm on campus"

"Shit love, I'd love too but I just got off the phone and said I would go into Phoenix and help in the AAWL open day" Which explains him being not only awake, but causing a rustle of noise behind his call. "... I was going to text you when you called, I thought you had class but since you don't. Would you like to come with me?"