Being Blinded

Chapter Ten

The hour-long nap that I had yesterday is the only reason I haven't succumbed to insanity over the long night, my limbs have softened into the mattress hours ago and sleep clings to my heavy lids, but my mind doesn't quiet.

It's been hours and yet my lips still burn from our kiss, every time my tongue runs over them my whole-body clenches with the reminder. If I wasn't so set on edge from what happened between us, I think I would be able to fool myself into believing that it all didn't happen.

"I've got the torture equipment!" The sound of Claudie smacking open my door and shouting into my carefully crafted darkness makes me jump, spinning around in my bundle of blankets. "I've stashed them in my car"

I feel my phone slide across my chest from the folds of the blankets, the bright shine of my overhead lights burn against my tired eyes and Claudie's voice pounds against my overworked brain.

"I told you she wasn't in here crying!" Imogen chastises, dark eyes narrowing in Claudie's direction, with a toasted sandwich for me. "Let the girl have a sleep-in"

I shuffle back into the corner of my bed, sliding the blankets across the bed with me until I'm pressed into the corner of the wall. Balancing my plate on my knee as Cassie, Claudie, and Imogen all bundle onto my bed with blankets and big jumpers cloaking their shoulders.

"No sleeping here" I reason, sinking Claudia's shoulders. "But also, I'm not crying if you think that might be what is going on"

"It's not exactly early morning" Cassie shrugs, picking through a bag of travel nuts. "We gave you way more time than Claudie wanted too"

"Okay so maybe the weaponry was a bit of an over exaggeration, but you didn't come into to talk to Im or I, so it was a logical progression of things" She shrugs, "You weren't the only one nervous about your day out with him, the rest of us are trapped between the same hope and reservation"

Sometimes, and it never lasts long, I hate that they are all so in-tune with me and aware of the things that are happening within our group. As much as I did want to confide in someone last night, everyone's situations are so much different than they were when I first caught feelings for Alfie.

I guess that's a good thing, that we are all so different. I don't believe that I could have gotten to this place with Alfie without having changed the way I have, it's a strange realisation that has left me feeling strange since las night.

Just one of the things that were keeping me awake last night. For a brief moment after I got home last night, I thought that I might just fall into a peaceful slumber, lulled to sleep by an exhausting day and the calmness of our first kiss.

Instead, I am reminded of how intense everything between us is for me, despite the outside impacts that hit Claudie and Hugo. Everyone else seemed to float into love, which isn't to say it was easy, but it feels like in comparison to them I am tripping and stumbling and falling all over myself as things change between us.

"In my defence, you and Hugo had your 'do not disturb' sign on your door and Imogen was dead asleep when I peeked into the room" I defend, "And we all know I hate waking people up"

"It's true" Cassie hums, "You leave me asleep on the sofa for ages just so that you don't feel awkward waking me up"

Claudie's head tilts to the right in understanding, crimped strands falling in front of hazel eyes. "I suppose I can't suggest you waking us up the way that I would wake Hugo up, huh"

Imogen's cheeks burn red, tucking her throw blanket tighter around her shoulders. "I'm good" She nods, "And something tells me that we have very different ideas on how we'd like to be woken up in the morning"