Being Blinded

Chapter Twenty-One

Just because we spoke about it doesn't mean I thought it would ever come true, the challenge that he laid out in front of me felt like one of my fantasies that I accepted would never come true. There has been this nervous flutter in my stomach since the moment I left his house this morning, a promise of something new pressed solid against my lips and leaving me shaking in anticipation for every moment since.

Even if it was possible for me to stop thinking about it i don't think i would, all the possibilities have filled my mind to the brim, from the second we came together he has shocked me. I don't expect today to be any different, there's all these lines and wants that linger between us and I can't guess which one Alfie will choose to push tonight.

The irony is I hate being scared and yet there's this little voice in the back of my head that keeps whispering that I might be, that I want to be.

My heels click against the concrete sidewalk, the dark of night has already settled around us and although I can hear the distant thuds of loud music that vibrates against the walls from the house at the end of the street, everything seems so quiet in comparison to all the theories bouncing around in my head.

"We might be covered in pastel, but you'd think someone was about to jump out of a bush in a halloween costume with how eerie the street is. The ambience only ruined by craziness that vibrates from Loch's house" Cassie murmurs, my skin prickles at the mention of where we are headed.

Squeezing my hand tighter around Cassie's hand, drawing closer to her body even though the pastel yellow frilly dress fluffs outwards from her body. It's a good reminder of what's real and what I have made up in my head, black hair pushed back away from her eyes with a white headband.

"Let's just hope that no one decides that lighting a candle would be a good choice, increase the ambience or whatever" I laugh, walking into class on a Monday morning and learning someone had left a candle going and lit a paper towel rack on fire is one way to wake me up.

Cassie's blue eyes roll dramatically, "And there i was believing Mark when he said it was just a failed romantic gesture"

"How many girlfriends did Jasper have again?"

The brightness of Cassie's smile still catches me off guard sometimes, life adjustments are hard, even when its not your life that's changing. Not everything that has happened this year has been positive but we've all changed, I just never thought it was possible for it all to happen so fast.

"Oh, at least five!" She deadpans, bouncing her hip against mine, "Although that's so okay for a man to have but a woman? No! That's just disgusting"

"I used to wake everyday and pray that you would follow suit and realise what an asshole he is, i can't explain to you, just how nice it is to have you back. I know the other three were on their own journeys, but i am really glad that you got out"

"So am i" Cassie sighs, focusing on every crack in the pavement as she speaks. "I know i had to make my own mistakes, and even though i knew what you were all saying was right i wasn't receptive to it in perhaps the way i should have been. I'm just trying to focus on learning who i am and not falling into the trap of finding someone just as awful, to fill the void of companionship"

"It'll happen for you" I nod, trying to stop the giddiness of my love for Alfie glow to brightly on my cheeks, "Maybe not when you need it, but probably when you're ready for it"

Glossed nude lips pressed into a grimace, "Falling in love again sounds disgusting, I just hope that when I do feel ready for it, that I don't want to be sick at the same time!"

"Oh you will" I nod, "It has no business being as scary as it is, but it also manages to be the most exhilarating experience of your life in all the right ways when it's the right person. If there's someone in this life that deserves to be swept of their feet, its you"