The Love Bookshop

Chapter Twenty Nine

    Ben had managed to salvage the only slightly singed on top chocolate chip cookies which they still enjoyed with the delicious gumbo ( shrimp , crabmeat , oysters , mussels in a spicy broth ) and salad in the cozy antique , book and plant filled living room as they talked and listened to smooth old school jazz on the stereo system in the corner. And drank the wine Daniel had came with although Ben readily and self consciously admitted having never been a big drinker before. He was not much of a drinker even on his rare club nights in Atlanta.  He did have three full glasses though and it seemed to help him relax and loosen up a little more. Daniel enjoyed watching a more relaxed Ben. He smiled more. He laughed more easily. He loved seeing more of the person that Ben kept locked up and away in a cage that was guarded by his own intense insecurity and nerves. He told Daniel more stories of his life growing up and how he had come to stay with his Uncle Gerald and Aunt Pearl including how his aunt had died of breast cancer when he was ten . He even showed him the many leatherbound family albums and Daniel was captivated by the pictures of Ben in various stages of aging including the ones of him before the tragic accident. Young Ben looked so innocent and sweet. Daniel looked over at him and thought that not much had changed in that regard.  He noticed that Ben rarely talked about his father Peter Love but talked a little about the mother Rose who he only knew through family stories , old home movies and old photographs. He had so eagerly shown Daniel a well loved faded photo of Rose Love. 

Daniel's heart twisted a little as he held the picture and noticed the great family resemblance between the dead mother and her son. The wavy blonde hair. The pensive and vulnerable grey eyes. The stubborn lift of her chin in the picture. The intelligence in her eyes. He disapproved of how his father had treated Ben but he couldn't help feeling sorry for the man. He knew how difficult it was  losing someone you loved. What if he had lost Eric and still had to see him reflected daily in the face of a young child ? Of course if it was Daniel he would have loved that child even more. He would have strived to protect that child with his own life. He and Eric had discussed adoption. Eric had wanted to give it a go but Daniel had been hesitant because of his busy career. When he was at home he had wanted to be with Eric and only Eric. So he had said no to the idea and that was one of their few fights , he remembered. Eric had called him " selfish and cold hearted ".  And then the next day he left on that damn assignment. One that had the lure of giving him his second Pulitzer Prize.  Except for a few scattered Skype sessions he had never seen Eric again. Well at the funeral yes but not alive. At the funeral Daniel realized that Eric had been right about him. He was selfish , cold , heartless. But not anymore. From that day on he walked away from everything he had thought so important to him. The work. The travel. The prizes. The adoration. The excitement. The glory. The dirt. He walked away. And he wished that he and Eric had adopted a child. 

When it was his turn to talk about his past Daniel didn't talk about Eric or his career. He talked about growing up in a wealthy prominent family in a small Georgia town similar to Love in a lot of ways. He talked about his cousin Zach who had been like a  brother to him and how his cousin had been estranged from his childhood sweetheart Matt. He talked about how Zach and Matt had reconnected as adults and created a new life and a family in DC. He showed the pictures on his phone of blond Zach , redheaded always smiling Matt and their two  children Kyle and Olivia. He told of how he had himself reconnected with his cousin when he had called him sobbing after Eric had died. Zach had listened to him crying and talking almost all night. The first time in years that he had seen the couple was when they came to Eric's funeral. Seeing the two men so devoted and in love had made Daniel incredibly envious. He wanted what they had. He looked over at Ben who was sitting cross legged beside him  , watching his face as he talked with such interest and concentration. He put his arm around Ben and drew him closer to him. 

" They sound nice. Your cousin and his husband. Do you still talk to them ? See them ? "  Ben's voice sounded so young and hopeful like he was listening to a fairy tale. Daniel wanted to give Ben his own happy ever after. 

" Yes. We do. We're not best friends or anything but we try to keep in touch more. Emails and texts and all. I think I'm the only family Zach still talks to. " 

" Good , " Ben whispered. " Family is important. My life is so empty without my uncle and aunt. They were going to put me in a foster home after the accident. The state was.  After my ..... after Peter died. But Uncle Gerald and Aunt Pearl insisted on having me. I remember when they came to get me. Aunt Pearl was leading Uncle Gerald but he was in control. He told them I was a Love and no Love was going to a foster home. So I came to their home. As you can see I never left. "