A Lover of Rain

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR:

My heart skipped a beat as my world crumbled down from the way Julian was staring at me. It used to be a feeling that I loved. My favorite part of him was knowing that I would always see myself in his eyes enamored with so much love and admiration whenever I would look at him. No matter how far the distance was or how close we were to each other's presence, he would always look at me and I would look back. But things have changed which I already prepared myself for. I knew I had to face him at some point after everything that happened between us, but I didn't expect it to be like this.

Julian was looking at me, but I couldn't find myself in his eyes. There's no love, only indifference. I prepared myself for this moment but I could still feel myself on the verge of tears from how painful it was to live in a world where there's no us anymore. We're now two strangers who share a history. No future together, just a beautiful past with a regretful ending.

It was only a few seconds of gazing at each other's eyes, but it felt like forever. I wanted to say the words that I only told him from a distance during his birthday when he had no idea I was there, yet I didn't know if I had the right to speak. Julian wasn't talking to me, either. He was just standing in front of me, startled at first when our eyes met in the middle of the crowd walking around us, until our memories probably started flashing in his mind that made his expression change. I was busy getting lost in the depths of his eyes that were showing no emotion towards me that I didn't notice a hand grabbing Julian from behind.

"Thank you for lending me a red shirt, I didn't know there's a theme. I wasn't listening when they announced it in class." A woman wearing one of Julian's shirts that I once wore myself stood next to him, her hand brushing her curly ash brown hair to the side which complimented her smooth tanned skin, before gently tugging Julian's hand to leave so they could find a seat. My eyes stared at her for a few seconds before gazing back at him–a million questions emerging in my head but the feelings oozing through my eyes was enough for Julian to understand. His grip on her hand slowly loosened as I found myself breathless, his face was trying not to show his confusion, but he ultimately decided to hold her hand back.

"Julian?" She called out his name, her eyes were glancing back and forth between us. "Do you guys know–" She was about to acknowledge my existence when Julian interrupted her question.

"No." He said that made my heart sink to the ground. "Let's go, Rue."

Julian took one last glance at me before they started walking away. My eyes followed for a few seconds until I could no longer bear to see him with someone else. I heaved out a sigh as I closed my eyes to remind myself that this is what I have wanted for Julian when I let him go. It's because I didn't deserve his heart that I wished for someone else to take care of it. I didn't deserve his love back then, and I don't deserve getting hurt about it now. A tear fell to my cheek after I opened my eyes but my hand was quick enough to wipe it away. I went on the higher bleachers to where my friends were sitting as I excused myself into the sea of eager students who couldn't wait for the game to finally start. Markie and Sebastian were talking until our eyes met when I tried to walk in front of them to reach the empty seat next to Sera.

"You didn't find any lemonade? Is that why you're about to cry?" Markie asked, her fingers pointing at my teary eyes. My head immediately shook to deny what I was feeling but she's quick to figure out something must have happened. "You're lying." She continued.

"Not here, not now. I'll tell you later." I said as I glanced at the person sitting next to her, my energy was already dropping even though the game hadn't even started yet. My eyes shifted towards Sebastian when I felt him staring at my face with his eyes squinting and arms crossing. He was acting weird since he'd normally ignore everyone around him but today's different. I wasn't a ghost anymore. "I'm sorry, you look really familiar. Were you in the Venice Grand Canal–" He said while tapping his chin like he was trying to remember the correct details in his mind. We've met more times than I could count yet the only memory he could associate me with was when he caught us following their date last week.