A Lover of Rain

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY:

"I saw you and me dancing under the rain in the middle of an empty street then you let go of my hand to marry someone else, and that's when I realized how much I love you. But it was too late... you were already gone." He said in a calm state like his words don't matter. My heart started hurting from each word realizing that for him, being in love with me will always just be a dream. It's a feeling that happened in his subconsciousness, but to me it's my reality. It's something that I had to live on while pretending that I don't because it will never be reciprocated and if I keep on hoping, it will end up breaking me.

"But you're not..." I tried to keep myself together by acting like it doesn't affect me on the inside. "You're not in love with me, right? You have Claud, and I have Julian."

It took Kylo a moment before glancing back to my eyes. I don't know why or maybe I'm so sleep-deprived that I feel like I'm hallucinating now, but there was a hint of hesitation in his face that even I couldn't explain. He licked his lips while looking down, not saying anything to answer my question. There's a part of me that wanted Kylo to agree. To validate my question because I don't want the thought of him secretly having feelings for me to be a possibility. I don't want him to hesitate or give me a glimpse of hope like he did before when he almost kissed me before my eighteenth birthday. I just don't. Because I know if I see that glimmer of hope, I would start crawling back to him in a heartbeat. I would go back to being the Aryn who's always in love with him, even if I don't want to anymore. That's the sad thing about my reality. And I wish that being in love with Kylo is just a dream I had.

"Right," Kylo finally nodded, "I have Claud, and you have... him."

His eyes focused on Julian who's walking towards us with two cups of coffee in his hand. "Fuck." He murmured under his breath before standing up to sit next to Jae, avoiding having to face Julian who wants to sit beside me. Julian sat where Kylo was just sitting before giving me an iced caramel macchiato, but my eyes were fixated on Kylo. He put on his black headphones that were clinging on his neck, pretending like he didn't tell me his dream that feels like a nightmare to me. I whispered thank you to Julian for getting me coffee before sipping it. I hope the taste of it could take my feelings away. "So, why does he look pissed?" I heard Julian ask while sipping his coffee.

"Nothing... he just had a dream." I said, my eyes were still fixated on Kylo.

"What dream?"

"That he–" I stopped myself to look at Julian whose eyes were full of curiosity, "That Jae was a bird who shit on Kylo's head."

I was trying to forget what happened when I noticed Jae approaching a quiet Shay who's on her phone, listening to some cover songs: Jacob's, I would presume. I've caught her several times secretly listening to Jacob's cover songs these past few days but I don't want to point it out. If I do, she'll probably stop herself from watching it.

"Hi." Jae calmly greeted her, making Shay remove one of her earphones. "Bibili sana ako ng coffee sa cafe, iniisip ko lang kung gusto mo rin ba."

"Um." Shay hesitated. This must have been a weird scenario for her since they've never had a conversation like this before. They're not friends, just two people who have mutual friends that's all. "Wag na, okay lang ako."

"No, I insist." Jae scratched the back of his head, acting shy all of a sudden. "Pupunta na rin naman na ako doon, isabay ko na lang yung iyo."

Shay squinted her eyes for a second while removing her earphones entirely to focus on her conversation with Jae. She hesitantly said vanilla latte, something that she'd frequently make for herself in the house or even for Jacob whenever he'd visit before. Jae was giddy when Shay accepted his offer but his happiness was cut off immediately when Yohan handed her a cup of vanilla latte. "Binilhan ka na namin ni Maya." He said before blowing on his hot coffee as he sat on the empty seat in front of them.