A Lover of Rain

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN:

There were a few times in my life where I wish I'd be someone else. Someone who is easy to fall in love with. One look is all it takes for your heart to beat and your world to revolve around her. That kind of person, you know. Every time I'd look at Kylo, that kind of thought lingered in my brain like a parasite I couldn't shake off. If I was someone else, maybe the first time our eyes met he would have fallen for me like I did. Maybe after all these years of trying to be content with being his best friend, he'd gradually fall for me and we'd be together. That was my hope. At least in that way, things wouldn't be so complicated and we could love each other at ease. I had been daydreaming for that moment most of my life, wondering what would I do if I found out Kylo liked me all along... but Claud came into our lives and I stopped hoping.

Then I found my happiness all on my own. I have Julian and I gave my heart to him the moment he held my hand when I needed someone to save me. I am content with my relationship with him–although we haven't said the word to each other yet. It's a difficult word to say. But we're getting there. I know I am getting to that point... I feel it in my gut.

But... why?

All I can think about is why Kylo did that when we were fifteen. Why didn't he want Eric to like me? Did he like me back then to be that possessive over me? Or does he think he owns me because I'm his best friend and the idea of his cousin liking me was too difficult for him?

My brain stopped working all of a sudden when I saw wave to earth enter the stage and the loud cheer of fans who came in the arena drowned the confusion in my mind. My throat hurts from screaming ever since we stepped foot inside, but there's this adrenaline inside me from seeing my favorite band with my own eyes standing in front of me that gives me an enormous amount of energy to cheer and shout. Eric and I were standing at the back of VIP Standing. We didn't have a low queueing number to have a chance to stand near the barricade, so we settled in the back where it's not that crowded and we could still move to dance around while enjoying ourselves. The band started playing bad, one of the songs I first listened to when I discovered wave to earth. Eric was joking around–acting like his hand is a microphone as he mouthed the lyrics while holding my hand to encourage me to do the same. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at how ridiculous we looked from the perspective of other people but we didn't care. Eric's hand he used as a microphone was slowly put down, but his left hand that was holding my wrist didn't let go before he sang along to the lyrics: There's a brown hue in your eyes, how pretty it is, I think I'm in love.

"Aryn." It was loud in the arena, but Eric stepped closer so I could hear him calling out my name. Eric's eyes were shifting around like he's unsure about what he wants to do. His stare then settled on the ground before having the courage to ask me the question he probably has been thinking since earlier. "If Kylo didn't stop me from liking you before... do you think we could have been–" He stopped himself from finishing his question, hoping that it'll be enough for me to understand what he's trying not to ask.

My throat felt like there's a lump that formed inside, preventing me from answering. I thought about his question for a moment. My mind went back to the time when we were fifteen and how in love I was with Kylo that no matter how much it hurts to love him, I wouldn't settle for anything else. That even though it hurts, loving him was still the best decision I have ever made in my life. If that is how in love I was with his cousin, will it change anything if I find out Eric likes me?

I was about to answer him when love. started playing. Eric suddenly let go of my hand before shaking his head, signaling me to not give him an answer. He pretended he didn't ask anything while jamming to the song even if it's in Korean. I tried to focus on the concert, mouthing the lyrics here and there, but my mind was fixated on Eric. I would glance at him for a second before looking back at the stage, pretending like I wasn't distracted by the thought of him having feelings for me when we were fifteen. I closed my eyes for a moment to take everything in. I'm in my favorite band's concert, hearing my favorite songs live for the first time, and most importantly I'm with a special friend I adore with all my heart. What's happening now is all that matters. Just because Eric liked me before doesn't mean he likes me now. He even said it himself earlier, he doesn't like me anymore. So, I should stop thinking about it.