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23.05.06 CALVIN KLEIN AMBASSADOR

Y/N POV:

Sitting in traffic lost in my thoughts, the day started off like every other day in my uneventful life.

I took a hit of my cigarette and enjoyed the breeze coming through my car trying to relax and pretend like I'm not stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the verge of being late to work.

I was silently freaking out knowing that if I am late, I'll be out of a job. My boss made it clear the last time I showed up late that there will be no more chances. TBH if I could get myself to take charge in my life and do what I want, I would have left this job a long time ago. What can I say, I am lazy and have a hard time motivating myself to change things that are comfortable. This goes for my job as well as my relationship since we're being honest.

It was my 9 year anniversary today with my boyfriend. 9 fucking years, who woulda thought? The relationship started out exciting. It was everything I needed at the time. He helped me gain confidence. Helped me believe in myself. Encouraged me to try new things. We helped each other grow and become better. Somewhere along the 9 years, it got too comfortable and now it seems like I am just living with my best friend. I say this because the intimacy and sex just slowed down and I started to think about it less and less. Now it's kinda at the point where if we do decide to have sex, there's not really any emotions involved. There's no passion or desire or want or any of the things that makes sex good. When we kiss, if you want to even call them kisses, it's just a peck on the lips to say goodbye. It's sad but we both kinda just stop putting effort into each other. I love him but slowly have been realizing I am no longer in love with him.

I don't know what his reasons are to stay, but for me, I think I just enjoy not being alone. I got so comfortable with his presence, if he's not around it almost feels weird, almost unbalanced.

TBH if he decided to leave, I would miss him, but I don't think my heart would break. The lack of intimacy and attraction has been gone for so long, I would be ok if we parted ways.

I respect him too much to even think about finding someone new. I kind of just hoped that one day either he would decide it's time or that we just both mutually decide to move on. I could never intentionally hurt him. He's done too much for me in the past. I am no longer broken like I was when I first met him. That me is not something I ever want to think of again.

I wanted to scream at all these cars in front of me as it's getting closer to 9:00am, I looked to my left and I was fucking speechless. There was a Calvin Klein billboard with literally the most handsome man standing with his arms spread out like an eagle, abs glistening just screaming at me. GAT DAYUMMM, are they trying to make people crash? Whose bright idea was this putting something so heaven sent on the side of the road where people are in not only bumper to bumper traffic but also in a heavy construction zone that has been going on for months now?

It was now 8:45am. I should've been in panic mode now seeing how most likely I'm about to lose my job once I get there.

My thoughts went back to that billboard. Something about that man just instantly put me at ease. I don't know how to describe this feeling, but yes his body was amazing and is probably the only thing that has excited me in about 5 or 6 years. God, I'm pathetic. Yes, his body is amazing but something about his face, I feel like I've known him for years. His eyes, sparkling so similar to mine, it's almost like I see myself in him. Like I knew myself when I looked at him. Like I knew that my life was worth more effort that I have been giving these past few years. I felt almost embarrassed about how much I had truly stop giving any effort into changing or improving my life and myself. I've realized this for quite sometime now, but nothing could motivate me to take action.

It was all so confusing and exciting. All these emotions running thru my mind while I'm literally dead ass stopped on this janky ass freeway on my way to lose my job. After seeing those eyes it's like I had a moment of clarity like I've been struggling with asthma and someone gave me an inhaler.

I feel like something clicked when my eyes met his eyes. Yes I know how dumb this sounds saying this and that it's literally just an ad on the side of the freeway, but I suddenly felt free and that I was ready for fight for myself and what I truly wanted.

I ran with this good feeling and decided to head towards the exit to turn around and go back home. I called my boss on my way home, thanked him for everything, apologized for not being able to give 2 weeks advance, and I never looked back.

As soon as I got home, I updated my resume. I went on indeed and started applying to all the tech work from home jobs like I've always wanted. Remote and in another state just to make sure that I'll never be required to go into work. By the afternoon I already had 3 replies setting up 3 interviews for the next few days.

I smiled thinking how strange life is. How was that one photo was enough to motivate me to take this step towards what I have been wanting for years?  How did this photo of a random stranger convince me to do something I've been too chicken shit to do for years? Curious to see more of this angel sent from heaven, I decided to google who this CK model was only to find out he is the one and only Jeon Jungkook from BTS.

I heard about BTS when my boyfriend and I first got together. I've never been into pop music, let alone kpop. I would hear people talk about how they wear so much make up and how they're probably all gay for each other and silly things like that. I knew they were younger than me. I was kind of shocked finding out I am 7 years older than him, but since we're being honest, I don't really find that to be a big deal. Once you hit 25, all the years after kinda seem the same. I have gamer friends his age and even younger. We get along fine. Judge me or don't, I really couldn't care less.

After the 3 interviews, I got an offer for 2. I accepted the 2nd one. The pay was higher and the hours were more flexible. The position was remote and based in New York. My new boss, Yoo-na, seems super chill. She seemed about 15 years older than me. She said that she is Korean. She mentioned having an 9 year old daughter named Yumi. We have a lot of things in common. We both have a Jack Russell terrier. We both liked watching anime and enjoyed drawing and creative things. The job did require me to fly out to her from time to time, but all expenses would be paid. I like how she was upfront and told me honestly that some of the trips out there might only be to chaperone her daughter to events she didn't have time for or even to dog sit when she had business elsewhere. I get along with kids, I love dogs, and I've never been to New York so all of this sounded like a plus for me.

I'm so excited for what's to come.

My week started out boring with me just going with the flow having no emotions or feelings about anything to excited, curious, genuinely happy for what's next.

Also, low key feel like I want to start looking for love again whether it's with my current boyfriend or someone new. Either way, that one picture sent off a spark to ignite the fire I've let burn out these past boring years.

I am thankful to that beautiful man Jeon Jungkook.

Damn, he is gorgeous. 

*** I had to story build so if you just get through the next few chapters, I promise it will get spicy once you reach the date part ***

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