Number 6

Adopt and Journal

I opened my eyes when I could hear sounds. I saw Mrs. Grier beside me crying. "Lexi!" Nash jumped up half asleep. "You're alive!" He said giving me a hug.

"Lexi!" Mrs. Grier said.

"Yeah. Um when can I go home. I hate hospitals."

"Hopefully today. But more likely tomorrow." Mrs. Grier told me.

A nurse walked in and said I could go tomorrow.

When we got home I slept on the couch again. With Nash, but he didn't sleep on the couch. He slept on the floor next to me and Hayes slept on a chair next to the couch. We watched Netflix until we fell asleep.

After a few days I was able to walk around and do almost anything I could before. They moved the day of when I started school to the week after so I could heal.

"Lexi. Could you come here for a minute. I've got something to tell you!" Mrs. Grier yelled from the kitchen. I followed her voice and sat at the table with everybody. Hayes, Nash, Sky, Mrs. Grier, and Will.

"Yeah." I said.

"Ok. We talked about it and....... How would it make you feel to be adopted?" She said with a smile on her face.

I didn't know what to say. "Really?"

"Yep." Nash said.

"YES! I would love that!" I said standing up with a big smile on my face. I hugged Mrs. Grier, she hugged me back. Foster care was over no more bullying or anything except...... what if they found out about my wrists or my hips...... the cuts. I left the kitchen and went to my room and layed on the floor with my journal. I heard a knock at the door. "Come in." I saw Nash come in quietly he shut the door behind him.

"Hey. Could I talk to you?" He said.

"Sure. What about?"

"Well um we can't be in here. I was thinking that me and you could go on a walk."

"Sure. Why not?" I said grabbing my shoes. We walked down the road.

"Lexi....... Why?" Nash said grabbing my wrist.

"Why what?" I said knowing he knew about my cuts.

"Why do this to yourself?" He said pulling up my sleeves. I looked him in the eyes and saw a bench so I took him to sit on it.

"Nash, do you think I want to do this to myself?"

He didn't answer just stared into my eyes that had tears. "Why?"

"Because.............. I'm not needed."

"You are needed."

"I wasn't before."

"Your brother thought so."

I looked at him and looked down to the ground. "He had to. He was my brother...... He didn't have a choice."

"Lexi." He pulled my chin up so I could look at him. "I had a choice. I had a choice to be your brother. I had a choice to care."

"Nash. You don't know me."

"Yes I do. Your a perfect little girl."

"Nobody's perfect Nash." I started to get off the bench. Nash just stayed there so I grabbed his hand and pulled him up. We started to walk back home. A few minutes past, I grabbed Nash's hand and held it tight not wanting to let go.

"Hey Lexi, do you ever miss your family?" Nash asked me.

"Yeah. Like when ever I see a family walk down the road that's all I can think of. I've always wanted a mom, a dad, a home, a family."

"Do you ever miss your brothers?"

"Caleb, yes, all the time. Kyle, I've learned to deal with the fact that I won't see him again." I saw the house so I stopped talking and walked in. I saw Sky and I played with her for awhile to try to be a big sister.

"ALEXXS FAITH COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!!" I heard Mrs. Grier from the kitchen. I walked in slowly, knowing I was in trouble for something. Will was sitting at the table with my journal.

"Where are they?" Mrs. Grier asked me. Talking about the cuts.

"Why do you have my journal?" I said running to Will.

"Lexi, let me see them. NOW!" Mrs. Grier said.

I looked at my sleeves and pulled them up a little. "Is that all?" She asked me. I pulled up my shirt and lowered the side of my pants to show her my thighs.

"Why?" Will asked me. I had tears in my eyes. Mrs. Grier had a wet towel on my thighs. I did those the other day so they were still new. I just looked at Nash, who was at the door leaned against the wall.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" Mrs. Grier asked me.

"Because........... I'm worthless."

Will stood up and kneed down so we could get face to face. "You are not worthless."

"Yes I am. The world would be better without me. I'm just wasting air. That's all I don't need to live. I'm just another kid unwanted in the world."

"No your not. We love you." Will said putting his hand on my shoulder. He wiped tears off my face. "It just took us time to find you."

"Why did you read my journal?" I asked him.

"Nash told me to." He said.

I looked at Nash who had guilt in his eyes. I looked back at Will, "How much of it did you read?"

He looked at me, "All of it."

"How did you find it? How did you even know I had it?" I asked him.

"Nash."

I looked at Nash and stood up and walk towards him, "Why did you go through my stuff?"

"That doesn't matter n-" I cut him off before he could finish,"It matters to me. I thought I could trust you!" I said running into the living room. I sat on the couch and took Hayes laptop and went to my Facebook. I tried to text Jack and Caleb. They wouldn't answer.

"I'm sorry." Nash walked in and said. I put the laptop down and looked at him.

"I'm not mad. I'm just sad. That was my journal. I had some personal stuff in there."

He sat on the couch and put his arm over my shoulder. "You are not worthless. You are needed and loved." He kissed my forehead. "I love you. My little sister."

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