All for what? -A Finnick Odair x OC fic

Five

  Finnick was no where to be found by dinner. Maggs spent the time attempting to drown out the sounds of Venus and I scraping our forks against our plates in silence. The sounds of our chewing filled the uncomfortable gaps.    

   I asked Venus to kiss me, he kissed me. That's all that happened. I don't think our actions fully sank in until after the kiss was over, when our faces were plastered on the screens surrounding us. A sickening feeling fell over me the moment it happened, I used him, and that was not okay. 

  Venus had a similar reaction, but in the brief words spoken between us after, we decided we shouldn't keep up the act, although that was the idea behind the act. Even with our shared reaction, things have grown awkward. I could cut the tension between us with a knife. 

  I excused myself the moment I finished eating the small amount of pasta I managed to consume. The nerves are eating away at me. I told Venus to kiss me, and he only did so because I told him to. I told him to kiss me because we needed the capital attention, but a part of me wanted Finnick to feel guilty too. I know he saw the kiss, the entire capital saw the kiss. 

My head spins with every thought. I betrayed Finnick. I am a tribute in the games. I used Venus. I have made so many mistakes. 

    I wonder around the fourth floor, where Venus and I stay. Finally I land on Finnick's room. Slowly, I raise my hand, knocking gently on the door. The door opens after a few moments, and there stands my Finny. For a moment, he is the same little boy that I met on the shore years ago. Just a light eyed boy, ready to be my entire world. Something about his gaze is full of worry, possibly hurt too. What am I saying? Of course he is hurt too. 

  "Finny," my eyes water the second they meet his, "I miss you."

 "Come here," Finnick pulls my body against his and for the first time in months I am breathing again. I smell the soft sea salt smell still stuck within his blonde curls, feel the beating of his heart as it slows down, the longer we are against each other. 

      "I missed you so much," my words come with sobs that continue to grow heavier. 

 "I'm so sorry Ivy," Finnick hugs me tightly, his body shaking against me, "This is all my fault."

 "You did what you thought was right, I-" I inhale, "I'd rather you leave than to take Snow's deal."

 Finnick's body stiffens, "Ivy," he brushes hair from my eyes, "I did take the deal."

 For just a moment I feel my heart fall to my stomach. The pain is like a knife twisting in my gut. Not for the feeling of someone else being with Finn, but for me knowing that he did not want it to happen. 

   "I ran out on one, just a week before the reaping," Finnick continues, "I knew, I just knew even though I told him we were over, that you would be here."

 The realization hits me hard, we were right, Snow did rig the reaping. I was never meant to be here. This isn't fair. Finnick won his games, but lost everything. He gave up on me to save me, and yet here I am anyway. He had his own body stolen from him. This isn't fair. 

 "How many?" My voice is hardly above a whisper, I don't even move my face from its spot against his chest. 

  He flinches, "Nineteen, not including you." 

Nineteen? In just over a year, Snow has sold him out to almost twenty different people. A sickening feeling forms in the pit of my stomach, the hatred I have for the Capital burns within me. 

  Snow may have stolen Finnick's parents, my father, even our childhoods, but we will not be loosing eachother too. Not again. I am going to win these games. I am coming home to Finnick. 

  Rising to my toes, I kiss him, and the taste of him reminds me of every night we ever spent aside one another. The soft kiss quickly turns harsher and faster.  As our lips move against eachother, our hands explore the other's body. Finnick guides us into his room and we fall back onto his bed. 

   I feel as if I am home again, with Finnick, and the false waves on the walls around us. Soon enough, I will make sure we both make it home again.