Kabanata 27
Diagnosed
My mind wasn't processing everything that happened.
I was happy being pregnant. I was expecting a baby with my husband. I was excited with my doctor's appointments.
Everything was aligning to our plan.
Our first baby.
Chance wanted a basketball team, a joke to us, but we compromised with two or three children.
Things were happening so fast, it was scaring me.
After a few days, we are back at the hospital for the test results. Based on my previous blood test result, I was subjected to bone marrow aspiration and biopsy. By those tests, I was already frightened.
"Crim..." Hinalikan ni Chance ang aking kamay. Titig na titig siya sa akin. "I'm here."
I was still zoning out from time to time.
Wala sa doktor sa harap namin ang pokus ko. Mas malakas ang kabog ng aking dibdib kaysa sa boses na nagsasalita sa unahan. Pinisil - pisil pa ni Chance ang aking kamay.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Ponce. Your wife is diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia."
Mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang kamay ko, hindi niya iyon binitiwan.
"What is it exactly?" My husband asked.
Seryoso ang tono ng kanyang boses, matapang at handang malaman ang katotohanan ng sinasabi nilang sakit ko.
I wasn't as brave as him.
In fact, I was the opposite.
I wanted to get out of the scene and forget all the things that happened inside the hospital. It would be much better to live in my own bubble. There are tendencies that doctors could be wrong with their diagnosis.
I took Biology program in college. Minsan ko ring binalak na tumuloy sa pagdo-doctor. Terminologies like acute or chronic in sickness isn't that new to me, I've heard them several times.
It's acute. It's rapidly growing.
"...develops from cells that would typically become white blood cells inside the bone marrow. Mabilis ito at medyo agresibo. We advise patients with this condition to start the treatment as soon as possible."
The doctor's expression was sympathetic. "Usually, it occurs in male patients. Ano po bang trabaho ng asawa n'yo? Is she exposed in some chemicals like benzene? Actually, marami namang causes, minsan sa genes din mismo."
Maybe, it was a curse from my biological father.
Honestly, I had no idea why I got the illness, it was just a hunch I had... Does it even matter? Maybe, I was just an unlucky soul the universe wanted to punish after tasting happiness for awhile.
When Mama got pregnant, she was still in college. Initially, hindi siya pinanagutan nito. A year later I was born, the man begged for forgiveness and wanted to build our family.
Pinatawad siya ni Mama sa pag-aakalang mayroon siyang makakatuwang sa buhay sa pagpapalaki sa akin.
She was vulnerable that time having no one was by her side. Kumayod si Mama ng pera para sa pamilya habang taga-bantay ko iyong sperm donor. One thing about my biological father, he was a chain smoker.
That was earliest time of my benzene exposure.
Hindi rin nagtagal ang pagsasama nila.
Walang kuwenta na nga, wala pang alam sa responsibilidad at pasakit pa sa ulo. Mama was also subjected to violence. For my safety, she left the man and became a single mother again.
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