To His Future Lover ✔ (Haciendero #5)

Ikatatlumpo't Limang Kabanata

Kabanata 35

Recurrence

I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. It brought back the feeling of lost hope.

After years of being in a complete remission, there's a recurrence.

Hindi lang ako ang nasasaktan sa sakit ko. I would be putting my husband and my parents in the same painful experience as before.

Akala ko tapos na...

Akala ko hindi na ito muling babalik...

"Crim..." Umupo ang asawa ko sa aking tapat.

Halos magtama ang aming mga paang nasa sahig.

I was hugging my knees.

Tumatahob ng bahagya ang floor-length curtain malapit sa pinagtataguan ko. Umuwi kaming ganoon ang aking lagay. Hindi ako makausap, bumalik na naman ang takot at pangamba sa aking dibdib.

"Everything's going to be fine... like how you handled the first diagnosis." I heard my husband. His tone was encouraging. "We know more how to combat with leukemia. You have the experience which can help greatly."

Huminga siya ng malalim. "I wish I could take your position... I wish I have the power to remove everything that might potentially harm you and anything that makes you sad... I'm sorry, Crim."

Tears fell down some more.

Hinayaan niya ako sa aking posisyon. Nanatili siyang nakaabang hangga't kaya ko na muling harapin siya.

Hindi rin naman nagtagal, agad din akong yumakap sa asawa ko at umiyak sa kanya. He held me in his arms tightly. It's where I feel the safest.

I had no strength in me after I cried for hours.

Binuhat niya ako't dinala sa aming kama. Binihisan niya ako ng komportableng pantulog. Hinalikan niya ang aking noo.

"We'll talk once you get enough rest, bebe." I heard him say.

"C-can you hold me, please?" Halos namamaos ang aking boses.

Ngumiti naman siya. "Of course, I'll just change real quick."

Hindi niya ako pinaghintay ng matagal. Agad din siyang bumalik sa akin at nahiga sa aking tabi. He enclosed me again in his arms. Marahan at siniguro niyang hindi ako masasaktan.

Pagod na pagod ako sa pag-iyak. Naibsan iyon ng bahagya sa pagyakap niya sa akin.

Si Chance talaga ang napapaghugutan ko ng lakas sa tuwing nanghihina ako. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata.

Maybe, this is just a nightmare. And tomorrow, things will get better.

Sana...

But it's not a nightmare.

Muli kaming nagpakonsulta sa ibang doctor at hospital kagaya ng ginawa namin noong unang na-diagnose ako, parehas ang resulta. My leukemia is back to torment me once again.

Wala ito sa plano.

The plan's supposed to try for a baby, not fighting for my cancer recurrence.

Sa tuwing nasa plano namin ang pagbubuntis, um-eepal ang ganitong klaseng sakit.

Ipinaalam namin iyon kay Mama at Tito Agustin. Mama was suppressing her cry, but I knew how devastated she was with the news. Walang isang magulang na gugustuhing maranasan ulit ng anak ang sakit na iyon.

For my sake, they have to endure.

"I'm sorry, Mama." I blurted out.

"For what? Wala ka namang kasalanan, anak. It's not your fault." Tinabihan niya ako. Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay. "'Wag kang panghinaan ng loob, andito kami palagi sa'yo. You have a support system to rely on."