Aris Jones X Reader One Shots

🎶 Something In The Orange 🎶

🎶 'Cause if I say I miss you I know that you won't 🎶

Y/N didn't feel what I did. I know that. She liked me though. She enjoyed being with me. She liked holding my hand. She liked kissing me. She liked when we would get up early and watch the sunrise. She liked me. She truly did, and I can never deny that.

She never loved me though. She never felt what I did. She never looked at me the way I look at her.

She looks as pretty as ever, dancing with her friends by the fire. She looks pretty when she wears that bright, contagious grin that still makes me nervous in the most wonderful way possible. She still seemed to glow every time she moved, as if she had created the sun and the stars.

I know that it's stupid. After all, it's been months. Eight to be exact. Not only that, I'm the one who ended it.

It's just that it seemed like the best choice. She just didn't fall the way that I did. I wasn't someone that her heart wanted, and that's not her fault. She can't control that she'll never see me the way I'll never stop seeing her. I also refuse to make her. If I can't make her truly happy then there's no point in holding on. Not when she could find someone who actually can.

It wasn't a mean breakup. Not at all. I just told her when we were watching the sunrise, and it was too quiet. She didn't argue. She didn't yell. She didn't ask why. She just said okay but didn't move. Neither of us did. Not until the sun was fully out.

Just like that, it was over. She took the clothes that she kept at my place home, and I just stayed in and stared at the wall for hours. I didn't get up, didn't eat, didn't move. I just tried to wrap my head around it all.

As I was admiring her dance with my heart shattering in my chest, she suddenly had her arms playfully wrapped around a guy's shoulder. While I had seen him around, I hadn't bother to pay him any mind. Not until now.

There was nothing that I could do but watch as he leaned in and kissed her. Nothing but stand up and go home so I didn't have to see her kiss back.

🎶 But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun 🎶

I think about Aris all the time. I try not to. After all, I didn't even ask why he broke up with me when I thought we were just having our usual morning date. I thought that we were fine. I thought that he loved me the way that I love him. I thought he felt that same kind of comfort that I did. The kind where silence and secret glances speak a thousand words. I thought that when he held my hand he also felt that pull that made it so right, that made letting go freeze them over, only to be warm when we were together again. I thought that when he kissed me he had the same emotion of the entire world vanishing, as if it was made just for us to be together. I thought that when we got up early and watched the sunrise he also just knew that it was the only right place to be.

I still don't know what I did, if I did anything.

Is he just in love with someone else? Maybe he never actually got over Rachel? Maybe Sonya? I mean I swear I've seen something change when he would look at her.

Or maybe it really was just me. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. Maybe I didn't love him right.

He doesn't know that when I left I took his sweatshirt. It was just a plain grey one that he didn't wear enough to miss but still smelled like him.

Putting the hood up, I just stared at the sunrise and silently cried. I thought about last night. I thought about how I had been kissed. I thought about my friend's disappointment when I pulled away and rejected him. I thought about how I left right after to lay down and son as I just kept wondering why it couldn't't have been Aris kissing me.

He wouldn't kiss me like that in front of others though. He wouldn't kiss me like that ever. He would pull me away from everyone just for even a moment of my lips against his. It was always so gentle and sweet but so genuine and full of love.

Or I thought so.

Now I just wish I could undo whatever I did to make him no longer want to kiss me like that or even just be with me.

Staring at the morning sky, with the stars just barely getting ready for bed, I finally closed my eyes as I laid down on my roof and somehow still cried. I really thought that I would have run out of tears in my first or second or even third month. Instead, I got literal tear stains around my eyes and even some down my cheeks from where they had fallen in the same place.

I miss him.

I will never not miss him.

🎶 Somethin' in the orange tells me we're not done 🎶

Every single day, without fail, I get on my roof and stare into the orange of the sunrise.

Every single day, without fail, I can make out her silhouette across from me, laying down.

Every single day, without fail, I walk past her looking like she's never been happier an hour later and am convinced that I imagined it.

I'm convinced that I love her so much that my mind is tormenting me by fooling me into believing she loves me back.

But she doesn't.

She won't.

She never will.

She never did.

🎶 Where the hell am I supposed to go? 🎶

It's getting bad again. Those feelings of worthlessness. The way I torment myself over just being alive.

I didn't depend on Aris to fix it. I never expected him to make it all go away or solve my problems, but being with him was one of the best things in the world. It would just make me feel like everything was actually okay. It would remind me that I do have a reason to stay. I have him. More specifically, what he seems to represent.

He's my hope. He's my love. He's my reminder to breathe. He's my world. He's my everything.

Or he was.

I wonder if that's why he doesn't love me. I wonder if I was too much. I wonder if I didn't hide my problems well enough, and it just wasn't something that he wanted to deal with.

I don't blame him if that's true. I can barely handle myself sometimes. It's just that I would find a way to put myself together, but he just made it easier. He gave me more of a reason to do that. He didn't fix me, but he kept me going. His hugs always made coming home with it. His kisses always made waking up at his place an absolute dream. His eyes always gave me something to get lost in. He was just so unreal, yet he was here. He was here, and he was real.

He's real.

He's here.

Just not with me.

🎶 I poisoned myself again 🎶

I don't know why I wear it. I mean it's killing me. It's soul crushing when the charms make even the slightest sound. It's heartbreaking when someone asks about it.

It's hers. It's her bracelet.

I know that I should have given it back the second I found it by my nightstand, but I couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't make myself give up something of hers. It's such a small thing that she won't notice, but it still belonged to her. It still knew her touch. It still knew what it was like to be close to her.

I did too, at one point. I would be close to her everyday, whether we physically saw each other or not. As long as I knew that she was there, my heart had its other beat.

She's still here, which I'm thankful for in a messed up way. I'm thankful that I walk past her everyday. I'm thankful that she still seems to be smiling. I'm thankful that she seems so happy now.

I just wish that she had been that happy with me.