Aris Jones X Reader One Shots

Trapped

Aris’s P.O.V

I wasn't allowed to talk about it. Not without being seen as a traitor. I wasn't allowed to explain the original goal. I wasn't allowed to share any of the memories that showed I had more than hatred for Ava Paige.

I wasn't allowed to grieve over her. Even though everyone else could do so for whoever they wanted, I had a restriction. I could barely even say Rachel's name without someone looking at me in a way that showed all they knew about her was WICKED. This means that showing any kind of emotion for Ava was off the table. Even if she did take care of me to the point where she sometimes felt like a mom and was one of the only people I ever really got to talk to for years, I couldn't say anything about how I wish that she was still alive. Maybe not in the Safe Haven but somewhere where she could be happy.

It's messed up.

Today is the day I first met her. Since I couldn't show how much that pained me I hid by the cliff all day, watching the waves roll back and forth while wondering if she had ever seen any. I wonder a lot of things about her. Why’d she change her mind? Why’d she decide to continue the trials? What pushed her to stop?

So many questions, so many answers I’ll never get.

“Hi,”Someone mumbled. Wiping my eyes, I turned around to see Y/N, just standing there with a blanket wrapped around her.

“Hi,”I got out.

“Can I sit?”She asked, pointing at the empty spot beside me. Moving over, I didn't say anything else as she took a seat on the grass. Putting half the blanket around my shoulders, she leaned closer to share it. Accepting it, I just kept my knees to my chest as I stared at the stars.

“You can't just pretend you were never on their side, you know?”She whispered, breaking our silence.

“But I can. I don't have to be there anymore. I can be something else,”I said firmly.

“You can't pretend none of it meant anything. You know that your experience was different from ours.”

“But I was trapped there too,”I reminded her.

“I never said that you weren't. It's just that you were a different kind of trapped. A kind that most of us will never understand. Just like you’ll never understand our kind of trapped.”

“I’m sorry,”I whispered.

“It's not your fault. Like you said, you were still trapped. It's just that it was different. None of us can remember anything WICKED did to us before the Maze or what that was like. None of us know any side of Ava Paige that isn't just hate.”

“She wanted to be good. I wanted to be good. I thought I was doing the right thing,”I mumbled, shutting my eyes as tears fell down my cheeks.

“I’m sure she did too at one point. It doesn't mean I can feel anything nice or understanding for her, but it doesn't mean that you don't get to. It doesn't mean you don't deserve to grieve. Even if nobody else knows how to, even if they can't see how anyone could mourn her, that shouldn't mean that you never get to.”

“She just wanted to help people. She didn't think anything would go so far. I didn't think any of it would happen.”

“So you have good memories with her?”

“Yeah. A few, but I try to forget them. I try to forget everything,”I admitted.

“Well,”She started, placing her hand over mine. “I don't know how to mourn with you. I don't have any kind of positive emotions for her, but if you say there had been something good at one point, then there was. There’s something worth missing, and even if I will never miss her with you, I’ll sit beside you and make sure you don't have to do it alone.”

“You do know who I was, right? What I did?”I checked.

“Yeah, but it doesn't take away any of my love for you. As long as you're loyal to who you are and also me of course,”She kind of teased.

“I'll always only ever love you,”I promised.

“And I will only ever love you. The real you. Past you, present you, and future you.”