Swished Hearts

Clear Minds

Sofia woke up with an itchy nose. She reluctantly opened her eyes to find that the room was still quite dark. Not enough for her to not recognize the blonde locks falling on her face. She had moved closer to Paige during the night, and was now spooned against her body. Sofia ignored the butterflies and the urge to get closer. Paige's long hands were wrapped around her waist and resting on her stomach, her breath tickling her neck. There was no way she was going to the bathroom without waking her up.

She let herself enjoy the peacefull feeling for a few minutes, listening to Paige's deep breaths. Eventually, she decided to get out of bed, seeing that she still had an hour and a half before they had to clear out. She tried to free herself from Paige's embrace, which tightened on her for a fraction of a second and tiptoed to the bathroom.

The shower helped her clear her mind, but she still had a lot to think about. Lynn had called her the previous evening to offer to continue with the team next season. She didn't know what to think. Clearly, it wasn't working out very well to be in a relationship, or whatever Paige wanted to call it, and working for her at the same time. She sighed and texted Angela, finishing to dry her hair in the towel.

U up ?

Yep u good ?

 Sofia quietly walked out of the room and made the call in the corridor.

"Hey Sophie what's up ?" Angela answered immediately.

"I need your advice"

"It can't wait 3 hours until your flight lands?" Angela laughed.

"Don't kill me but no"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm about to have a talk with Paige and I need your wisdom first".

"At 7am in the morning ?" Angela deadpanned.

"Yes"

"Hold on did you guys sleep together ???!" Angela shrieked.

"Shhhushhhhh, no," Sofia whispered. "I mean, yes, but not like that. Don't worry."

"Girlll were you drunk?" Angela asked in shock.

"Angela!" Sofia laughed, "No, I wasn't. I was tired. Everyone was, and sad from losing the game. I just wanted things to feel... normal again" she defended herself.

"Okay fine. What is it that you want my opinion on? Cause I could start right now" Angela said with a laugh.

"Lynn offered me the assistant position again for next season. I have time to figure things out but I don't know how I feel about it"

"Oh. Wow. That's big. Will Paige come back next year or is she entering the draft ?" Angela asked immediately sensing where the problem could be.

"I don't know yet" Sofia replied. "But it doesn't matter...I don't think I'll take Lynn's offer."

"What? You've got to be kidding me!" Angela exclaimed. "You can't make sacrifices in your professional career because of some dumb blonde-"

"-It's not like that," Sofia snapped, instantly regretting her tone. "The trade-off isn't between Paige and the position. I just don't think I can stand a repeat of this year, Paige or not in the picture." Sofia finally let out. It was the first time she voiced out loud something that had been bothering her for a while now.

"What do you mean ? You don't like being a kinesiologist ?"

"It's not that. The job is about caring, preventing, protecting. I love that, it's in my nature. But I feel like I have poured everything and I am drained. "

"You're saying they burned you out" Angela stated matter-of-factly.

"Not necessarily. Maybe. I don't know. I've felt support, sure the girls look at me like a part of the team. But it's just the second something goes wrong, no one genuinely had my back." Sofia sighed. "I gave it everything you know ? Made it my top priority despite everything going on around, literally made myself sick trying to keep it together. And no one, literally no one, came to ask "hey, how are you?""

"That shit really traumatized you more than you let on, didn't it?" Angela said with concern.

"I think I was too busy with midterms to realize it, but yeah, basically."

"Do the players get counseling?"

"Hum, yeah?"

"Do the staff?" Angela pressed further.

"No" Sofia admitted.

"How come ? You should ask to have access to it as well." Angela suggested . "You were put in a unique situation as a junior, then faced cyberbullying and media harassment- let's call a spade a spade. And no one thought to follow up with you? Just because you're supposed to be grateful for the experience?"

"Yeah. Kind of. I guess you're right" Sofia shrugged.

"Sof, I mean it. What you went through wasn't light," Angela pointed out. "You told me you haven't opened your socials in weeks and have had more panic attacks in 2 months than ever before."

"Right. Yes. Put it this way maybe I should go into therapy" said Sofia with a slight laugh. For once, it felt good to have someone validate her feelings and not put them off until later because there was an X Y Z game on the horizon.

"All right. Give yourself a month or two. Unpack and process this shit. You'll see, maybe you'll want to go back. Maybe you'll want something different! Either way, your CV is impeccable, so I'm not worried about you." Angela encouraged her again.

"Thank you, you're the best," Sofia says gratefully.

"I know. Now what about Paige? Cause that's another story"

"Urgh. Yep. It's not about the hurtful comments she made - she'll apologize for those a thousand times and I've forgiven her already. It's more about how she just ghosted me. Like I gave a lot in this relationship, and she shun me out the second it went wrong profesionnally. "

"Yeah she punished your not so couple basically" 

"Exactly." Sofia took in a deep breath "I knew what I was getting myself into. She warned me. I guess what I'm saying is I don't feel confortable in this semi-relationship anymore. I would prefer staying just friends, or her commiting for good but I don't see that happening."

"Honestly that's fair. Good on you for realizing you deserve better than this situationship shit" Angela answered immediately. 

Sofia chuckled.

"You're so mean"

"And you're too kind with everyone, so I'm proud of you for drawing the line."

"Thanks, I really needed to vent it all out."

"Of course, anytime. I'll see you in a few hours?"

"Sounds good, thanks Angel!" Sofia hung up.

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Chill chapter to understand what's going on in everyone's head right nowwww