Ramblings About Waiting

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Wait, wait, wait... Waiting.

Life is waiting for death, but we must be patient to enjoy everything that lies in between.

Personally, I've always been a patient person, but I had some disadvantages compared to people who had no patience at all. Impulsive people who seemed to chase after what they wanted more quickly than I did. For a long time, I felt like I was watching life pass by and watching people achieve their goals while I lagged behind. No one believed I would become an astronaut, no one had much faith in me. I had to wait a long time for my big moment, but when I finally had it, I was careless, and now I'm dying because of it.

"Secure safety line 1, release safety line 2" – it wasn't complicated at all.

I managed to ruin my moment of glory; I was supposed to return home as a hero. I waited so long... It's not fair.

I met a girl two weeks ago. She works in the mission control tower. I had never known love, but I thought there might be a chance for it with her, I thought my time had finally come. We talked about anything, we had affinities that I thought I would never find in anyone else. During the few days we had together, she made me feel good. She was special.

"Sorry, Rachel," I try to believe she can hear me, "but I'm not going back home. I was too stupid. I released safety line 1 before securing safety line 2, and now I'm going to die in space. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry... I'm sorry."

My voice sounds muffled, and that's strange.

Sometimes waiting is good; some people put the cart before the horse and only mess things up, but I regret waiting so long. I should have spoken up about the things that were stuck in my throat, expressed more of what was in my heart, and done more of what I wanted. Now it's too late.

I wish I could scratch my nose, but I have to wait for the itch to pass. I HATE THIS HELMET! I WANT TO SCRATCH MY NOSE! I HATE HAVING TO WAIT!

On the other hand, I hate this instant gratification society that screams, "I want everything, and I want it now!" like a spoiled child. We need to understand that we'll never have everything, and things can't always be on our schedule. We need balance. Yes, we need to pursue our dreams, we need to understand that life passes, but we also need to know how to deal with disappointments if things don't go as planned.

You can't have it all.

I won't have my moment of glory.

Never.

My life flashed before my eyes, and I just watched.

Now I'm drifting through the cold, silent space. Only death is certain.

I hope for a miracle. I hope for a quick death. I hope for a chance to say goodbye. I hope for something. In the end, I just keep waiting...

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