Drifting in the Space of Ramblings

Ramblings About Connections

In Memory of Neil Armstrong

When we are born, we are already connected to something. Our family. As we grow up, we have only two paths to follow: we either connect to more things beyond our family, or we start losing connections until we have nothing left.

I think if I weren't going to die here, I would reach a point where I would have nothing left. I was treading a dangerous path, distancing myself from everything and everyone. Money didn't matter to me anymore, material possessions even less. My humanity was slowly slipping away from my body, as if it were being drained from me drop by drop. I looked at people on the street and felt nothing, no desire to talk, to interact, or to pretend to be part of a society that didn't concern me. I was losing myself, now I can see it, I was letting my soul leave me.

I met Rachel not long ago and thought she would be my salvation, but I was wrong to put such responsibility in the hands of one person. The responsibility had to be mine. I can see now that if I had continued down there, she wouldn't have saved me, maybe I would have dragged her soul into the hole with mine. Poor Rachel. We're lucky, you and I. Now I can see that it wasn't our connection that saved me, but it was my detachment from everything in space that did it. Only now that I am far from everything am I connected again to the essence of things.

To connect with the world, to love others, to nurture compassion, and to be part of a whole, you must first be connected to yourself. Even here, so far from everything, I am still not disconnected from everything, because I have myself to connect with. Only when you can understand yourself, know who you really are, your dreams and desires, will you be willing to take a step forward and truly be connected to the world as it should be.

Now, that I am away from everything, is the moment when I have never been so connected to everything and everyone on that planet. I can feel the sadness and happiness, I can feel like a leaf being carried by a gentle spring breeze, I feel hunger and plenty at the same time, and most importantly, I can taste the salty taste of tears that now run down Rachel's soft skin as she thinks of me up here thinking of her.

The world is like a huge spider web, where everything is connected. If God has any form, it is surely that of a huge spider, pulling its threads, connecting everything in a complex puzzle. Connecting and disconnecting. Weaving new paths in almost invisible threads.

I am happy to be connected now.

I am happy because I can see the almost invisible threads, and it amazes me how almost no one else can see them. Because now that I have really stopped to pay attention, they are huge and impossible to ignore. You just have to really open your eyes and they will be there.

Open your eyes!