Drifting in the Space of Ramblings

Ramblings About Hallucinations

Dedicated to Ron Fugelseth

My mind is wandering, between reality and unreality. I try to focus on the here and now, but I have already lost focus.

I look at planet Earth, and something is coming towards me from there. I think I'm imagining things, but no, something is really coming from there towards me. It looks small, but it keeps getting bigger as it gets closer. It's a train, or rather, it's a train with a huge face on the front. It's a damn living train!

"Are you lost?" the train asks as it approaches me.

"Let's say yes," I say. "Who the hell are you?"

"I am Stanley," it says, "a train that travels through space."

"You've got to be kidding!"

"No," Stanley says as naturally as possible, "I travel around, between planets."

"Seriously," I say. "Can you give me a ride to Earth?"

"Sure," it says, "hop on!"

I get into Stanley, there is no conductor.

It starts traveling very fast, the stars start turning into streaks of light in front of me, and I realize that it's heading in the opposite direction of planet Earth. When I finally think I might be saved, I realize that it's taking me farther and farther away from where I want to be.

"Where you want to be and where you need to be are different places!"

I wake up from my trance, and I am surrounded by smoke, someone is smoking marijuana, and I can't breathe properly.

Spock is smoking a joint!

"Logic doesn't work here," he says. "You need to forget logic and let despair take over you."

"Why?" I can't understand where I am anymore.

"If you don't give in to your feelings, they will consume your soul to the point where you won't understand who you are and what you want."

"I want to live!"

"Living is relative," he pauses, takes a drag, and breathes deeply. "You can live and be dead, but you can die and remain alive; it depends on the point of view."

"Schrödinger's cat?"

"Don't be foolish," he raises an eyebrow. "Schrödinger's cat is not the answer; what matters is the here and now."

I come back to myself with Spock's words.

"What matters is the here and now."

I manage to regain my consciousness; I almost lost control over my mental faculties. I could have ended my journey in madness, but I chose to be sane.

I have to end it all sane; I have to be conscious in my final moments. I still don't know why, but I need to die with my mind alive.