Drifting in the Space of Ramblings

Ramblings About Addictions

My first addiction was comic books. I remember going to the newsstand when I was little with my grandfather and buying many comic books. My first comic book was a Justice League issue where Guy Gardner ends up causing an international incident by invading Russia during the Cold War. I didn't fully understand the story because I had missed the previous issues, and I realized that everything had continuity. Then I bought a Flash comic; they were short stories based on the TV series that aired at the time... I think some stories were written by John Byrne.

My second addiction was women. I fell in love way too quickly with each of them; they said I was too intense. Of all the addictions I had, this was definitely the most dangerous. Women are much more rational and methodical and don't get attached as easily as they say. They are inconsistent and blame everything on PMS. My first girlfriend only stayed with me as long as I gave her gifts, my second found someone more interesting, and the third hated me after the abortion. I think I would have preferred to be homosexual; at least I'd have a boyfriend who would play video games with me without hormonal issues. PMS is the worst thing in this world, definitely.

Then came the addiction to drinking. I gave up on women and started drinking morning, noon, and night. I smoked marijuana only three times in my life: the first time when I entered college with some classmates, the second was with my brother at a Smashing Pumpkins concert, and the third was with my father after my brother died. I prefer drinking; I don't see much point in inhaling smoke into my lungs—it doesn't make sense to me.

I changed my addiction; I got tired of drinking. My next addiction was studying to become an astronaut. I always wanted to be an astronaut; I never stopped trying, but only after some of the things life did to me did I really commit to this project. I studied everything: chemistry, physics, math, biology, and everything else an astronaut needs to know. It was then that I began to feel pleasure in gaining knowledge. I started studying things that an astronaut doesn't "need" to know, or maybe they do, but they aren't studied. Sociology, literature, politics, and everything else that came my way.

With my mind buzzing with the most varied knowledge, I realized that I had acquired the addiction to being depressed... Was it Socrates who said that ignorance is the basis of happiness? I think it was. Knowledge makes our minds sad with the reality that surrounds us. Everything seems so wrong and unreal.

No matter how many addictions I had, everything in excess is harmful, even knowledge.

But if you asked me today whether I preferred knowledge or happiness?

I think I wouldn't think twice.

The choice is obvious.

I would choose knowledge.