Anguish is a feeling that starts with something small, almost insignificant, and then it grows, taking over your entire body and from there it starts to control your life.
There have been relationships that I ended thinking I was making the best decision of my life. You start to look around and realize that the person who was always there is no longer there. You watch a movie and feel the urge to comment on it with her. You read an article in a magazine that would interest her and you can't just pick up the phone and tell her. Watching her sleep. Her smile. The touch of her skin. All these factors make something bad grow inside your heart and when you realize it, it has already taken over.
Anguish is like a parasite.
Parasites are among the worst beings on this planet. They mostly live by making another person's life difficult so that theirs can be easy. There are thousands of human parasites walking among people; they look human, eat like humans, smile like humans, talk like humans, have sex like humans, but deep down, they are parasites. People work their entire lives so that these parasites can live in their comfortable mansions. Some women cook, take care of the house, and educate the children so that parasites can go out with other women and spend money at a bar with friends. There are thousands of forms of parasites and all of them cause anguish.
Dying doesn't cause me anguish. The death of someone I care about does cause me anguish. I am not worried about dying, at least then I won't have to bury anyone else. I won't have to imagine my life without anyone else, whether family or in my love life.
The worst thing about ending a relationship is trying to imagine how your life will be from that moment on without that person. You get used to sharing your life with her, you like feeling that there is someone there for you, and when she is no longer there, it's as if the ground beneath you disappears.
The best definition of anguish is this: The feeling of being eaten alive by a parasite while the ground disappears from under your feet and you start to fall endlessly.
I look at the planet below and try to think of how many people are suffering from this right now? How many people are being eaten alive by parasites while falling into a bottomless pit?
I remember a rhyme my mother used to sing every Sunday morning: "Today is Sunday, pipe-stem day. The pipe is gold, it hits the bull. The bull is brave, it hits people. People are weak, they fall into the hole. The hole is deep, the world ends."
I've had this vision since I was a child. Nothing can be worse than a deep hole because when we fall into it, our world ends. My world has ended too many times. I always thought I had climbed out of the hole, but often, the hole made me think I was free.

YOU ARE READING
Drifting in the Space of Ramblings
Science FictionAn astronaut lost in space. Dying. Drifting. What will be the last things to pass through his mind before death?