KIMCHAY TALES: BITTERSWEET EXCHANGE

CHAPTER 24

"Think of the one thing that you've always wanted. Now find it in your mind's eye and feel it in your heart."

—

He's avoiding me. Why is he avoiding me? Why is he not talking to me? Did I do something wrong? Did I cross the line? But he kissed me first. 

Thoughts after thoughts clouded Chay's mind. He's been overthinking a lot lately. He hasn't seen Kim eye-to-eye ever since that day. Their first kiss. They haven't seen each other. They haven't spoken yet and it made poor Chay frustrated. He felt like his feelings were all one-sided. Yet, he knows it is not. He knows Kim feels the same way as he is, the difference is Kim holds his emotions back. He doesn't want these feelings to go to waste. If Kim could just set himself free...

"Can you stop moving around? You're an eyesore." a voice suddenly spoke behind him which made Chay turn. Big was fixing his cuffs and looking at him in disapproval. Chay huffed frustratingly. Big doesn't understand. He can't even open this up to him. "I'm going to the main house. Khun Kim is in his ro–" Big didn't even get to finish his sentence when Chay suddenly just stomped off to Kim's room, leaving him dumbfounded. "What the fuck is wrong with him?" he muttered under his breath and left.

"He is damn home and I didn't even know? Why? Is he really avoiding me?" he grumbled angrily. He didn't even bother to knock. He just barged into his room. And there he was, staring at him ghastly, Kim who was looking outside his window just a while ago. Chay's heart swelled. Despite the resentment he had for the older, he can't deny that he missed him. On the edge of his emotions, Chay crossed the room and closed their distance. He doesn't know what he is doing, but he needs to get things straight now. Out of his wits, Chay slapped Kim across his face. It was a hard one. Shit. He lost control of his strength. He wanted to apologize almost immediately, but he held himself back.

Kim looked at him with wide eyes, surprised by the sudden attack Porchay did to him, "What was that for?!" he angrily said. His cheek is stinging and reddening. No one dared to slap him before. Only Porchay. He doesn't understand why he did that.

Chay gulped nervously, "A reality check to prove to you that I am not a dream, that I am real." he spat back. This took Kim aback. He wasn't expecting that. "And also for avoiding me. Do you think I wouldn't notice, huh? Why are you avoiding me when you kiss me first?" he added, frustration evident on his face.

Kim mentally cursed himself. He remembered what he did. It always runs in his mind like a broken record and he often cursed himself because of his stupidity. All the anger rising in his chest vanishes as he sees tears start to form in Porchay's eyes. "Porchay–"

"Was it all a mistake?" Porchay asked in a small voice. Kim felt a shot of pain in his chest as he heard those words. He wants to hold him close and whisper things in his ears. Yet, at the same time, he wants to turn away and neglect his emotions for this broken young lad in front of him. He was torn.

Chay balled his fists on his sides as anger boiled in him. "Answer me, Kim! Was it all a mistake to you?" he snapped at him. All the formality left in him vanished as he let his emotions take a toll on him. He tried to fight back his tears but failed when they kept falling down his cheeks. He wiped them harshly as he took a deep breath to calm down his nerves. Kim's silence added to his anger. There's no point. He shouldn't have confronted him. Chay gulped down a huge lump in his throat and composed himself. "I-I'm sorry, K-Khun Kim. I should have not d-disturbed your rest." he stuttered.

A guilty and hurtful feeling raced through Kim's chest. When Porchay turns to leave, he knows he has to do something or he will fuck up everything forever. "It is a mistake." Kim started to make Porchay stop in his tracks. The crying lad was hurt by what he heard. It broke his fragile heart. A mistake? It was a mistake for Kim when it was one of the best things ever to happen to him. He wanted to leave right there and then, but Kim continued. "I thought it was."