KIMCHAY TALES: BITTERSWEET EXCHANGE

CHAPTER 26

"Since you are so kind as to think of me, be so kind as to bring me a rose, for as none grow hereabouts, they are a kind of rarity."

—

Chay knows that Kim trusts him. He was just trying to protect him, that's why he was not willing to show him his dangerous world. But, protect him from what exactly? He doesn't know who the enemy is. Chay–as much as he can–wants to protect Kim as well. It will be hard, of course, since he only knows very little about the world of the mafia. Only the tip of the iceberg. He knows his past experiences with gangs and debt collectors were nothing with these kinds of people. They were bigger, way more powerful than he thought.

Yes, Chay knows Kim. Yet, not completely. The mafia persona of Kim is stopping him from doing so. Is his mafia persona the enemy? How could Chay beat that? He wanted to know the Beast that everyone is scared of. He doesn't want to be blind. He wants to be on Kim's side no matter what, either ups or downs. Either life or death.

Chay just got home after running an errand outside. He looks around the living room to find Kim, only to find Big there, "Where's Khun Kim?" Chay asked Big.

"At his office," Big answered casually. Chay wants to run to Kim immediately since he misses him already, but he stops himself from doing so. In his office? His office is the Forbidden Room. Is he there? Could Chay finally enter that room freely? Would Kim allow him this time? Chay replied a soft "okay" to Big before going to Kim.

He was thinking deeply on his way to the room. Should he barge in like he usually does? Or should he knock this time? Well, he has to, right? He doesn't want to face the wrath of Kim again. They might be lovers this time, but he still needs to be cautious. Before he knows it, he is right in front of the room. He chewed on his lips for a few moments before knocking. He waited as his anxiety grew. No answer. He knocked once more, "Kim?" he called out. Still no answer.

Breathing deeply, Chay held the doorknob but he didn't turn it yet. He still has second thoughts. Is he ready to see what's inside? The other side that Kim doesn't want him to see. "Porchay? Sweetheart?" a voice startled him from behind. Chay immediately retracted his hand from the knob, as if he was burned by it. He turned and saw Kim moving towards him, his eyebrows furrowed together. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I–uh..." he trailed off, "I was looking for you. P'Big told me you were inside, that's why I'm here," he explained.

When Kim got to him, he took Porchay's hand and pulled him away from the door. He wrapped his arms around his waist and said, "I was there, but not anymore. I told you not to go there, didn't I?" Kim said. He doesn't show it but his heart is actually on his throat. Porchay almost saw everything. Almost.

Chay ducked down his head, "I know, Kim." he mumbled. Kim doesn't seem to look mad at him. He was battling in his mind if he should voice out his concern or let things slide. He clucked his tongue, "I'm really sorry." he whispered. He felt Kim's hand on one side of his face, making him look up at him.

"It's fine. I understand." Kim said softly to him. Porchay was perhaps very curious inside his office. "You were curious, weren't you?" he asked and his boyfriend nodded in response. Kim frowned. As much as possible, he doesn't want Porchay to see what's inside. The worst were hidden inside. The worst that he doesn't want see by the innocent young man in his arms. He was too precious to witness such things. The mafia world is cruel and brutal. It was called the Forbidden Room for a reason.

However, Kim knows that eventually, he will need to be open to him one day. He knows that he needs to show him the other side of him, the scary and dangerous version of him. He was aware that Porchay had seen that side of him once or twice before. Yet, he is still here with Kim. Is everything going to change once he shows him the deeper version of Kim? Would he still love him the same? Or this time it will scare him a lot to the point that he can't stay with a beast like him and leave him?

They stared at each other's eyes for a while, communicating with no words. They both understand. One was patient yet curious, while the other one was hesitant. Chay cupped Kim's face and gave a quick kiss on his lips, "Kim, you know I love you, right? I wanted to be by your side no matter what happens. I know the risk. I know the danger. And I know you are also there for me, to protect me. I thank you for that, always." he said. He ran a thumb across Kim's pretty face, "But we both know that as our relationship goes on, you need to eventually open your world to me. I need to know who is dangerous and who is the enemy so I can protect, not only myself but you as well. Let me protect you. Kim."

Kim's heart swelled as Porchay's words sank in his mind. Yet, he is still uncertain. What if he is the dangerous one? What if Porchay needs protection from him? What if he is the one who will hurt him? Kim sighed, "I've already told you multiple times, sweetheart. My world isn't for you. It's cruel and bloodthirsty. I don't want you to see those kinds of things. If I can hide you from everyone, I will, but I know that I can't. So just let me protect you. I will be fine." he said. As a response, Porchay nodded as if he understood what he said. Porchay always understands. "I am so scared to show you this world. I'm afraid that I will lose you. I don't want to lose you, sweetheart. I can't..." he trailed off.

Chay assuringly smiled at him, "It doesn't have to be now, Kim. In your own time. At your own pace. I will understand. I will wait. You're not going to lose me. I just want you to realize that you are not alone anymore. I am here for you. I want to know you. Let me know you. I will love you still. I always will." the young lad said. Chay wants Kim to understand his intention. He will protect Kim. He can't fight or throw a punch, but he knows he can do it. Maybe not physically, but at least, he can be there for him emotionally. Kim may not say it, but Chay knows how emotionally exhausting it is to handle this kind of life. He can see it in Kim's eyes. Perhaps, that's why Kim is having a hard time opening up to him. Yet, Chay is always understanding.

"I love you. I love you so much," he said affectionately. Those were the only words he could say at that time. His heart could burst at any given moment. Does Kim say he is the luckiest man ever? If he does, then he will say it again and again. He is the luckiest man ever. What did he do in his past life to have this amazing lover right in front of him? He never thought he would need Porchay in life. Make him a villain, he doesn't care, because he can burn the whole world for him. Kim had never perceived such a feeling before. Porchay is so patient with him, so kind. Things he had never received from anyone before after his mother's death. Porchay was so gentle to a beast like him. He is the beauty of his ugly world.