Hunger

a u t h o r ' s n o t e

May 19, 2024

Hi guys! There's a few things I want to say before you read this book.

1. I wrote this book when I was in high school (five years ago omfg) so I'm aware is a little cringe and the writing is bad at the beginning 😭
2. English is not my first language and back then I was not as advanced as I am now so please excuse my grammar that occasionally doesn't make sense.
3. This is not a STEP-BRO romance and I'm sorry if it makes some of you uncomfortable at times. But just to clarify Christopher and Katherine are not related whatsoever. They've only known each other for a couple months when the books begins.
4. Thank you to everyone who stayed till the end despite the cringy and awful writing I used to have.

Now that my writing has gotten better and if you want to read another book that's about eating disorders check my other books like Seeking Perfection, Emptiness, which is the sequel to this book, and Never Enough, which I plan to finish after I'm done with Seeking Perfection and Emptiness.

And lastly, as some of you know I write these books based on my personal experiences, I've suffered from an eating disorder for eleven years now. After my heart surgery I've tried my hardest to recover because even though I'm self aware of how lucky I am to be alive, I also feel fat all the time and I hate myself.

Recovering from an eating disorder is something extremely hard, so I hope all of you guys take care and get better and hopefully one day I will be truly happy as well. Please get help if you can! don't wait until it's too late to change your life. I regret not getting help when I was younger. I resent my sister for knowing and not doing anything about it. But worst of all I hate my mom for not caring.

Sometimes books seem unrealistic and you think there's no way parents can be that awful, but they can. My mom is worse than the mother in this book. Ever since I can remember she made it her job to call me fat. Until I just cracked and started throwing up everything I ate. Which she was aware of and never took me to the doctor. She would ask me once in a while, were you throwing up? And I would come up with some lame excuses for my face looking all red and she "would believe me".

And when I went to college and I started eating again and gaining weight she would tell my sister, your sister used to starve herself in high school right? Insinuating I should again. She always buys me pills and teas to try so I can lose weight and even though I literally had OPEN HEART SURGERY four months ago she is encouraging me to starve myself. Someone with a cardiac problem and she makes me drink fkn teas that are probably not good for my health or heart.

I'm leaving in two months and for the first time in 24 years I will be alone and independent. I'm literally moving two hours away 😂 I chose the medical school farthest from my home so I'm free from her. And I will try my hardest to commit to recovering. I don't want to purge anymore or fast for a week just to please her.

I know I shouldn't do this and if you think I do it for her, there's more to it. After a while you start to believe it and specially after hearing that you're fat for more than half your life. I believe it. I am fat. That's all I ever knew and all I ever cared about. Nothing else mattered, growing up, back then I was just a naive child but now I'm a self aware adult that knows better. 

So I promise I will get better, I made myself throw up yesterday, and I want that to be the last time I ever do so. Once I'm long gone and I have control of what I buy and what I eat, I will heal my relationship with food, and I will be happy.