Hunger

n i n e

Week 1

When I open my eyes, it took me a minute to realize that this wasn't my bed, or room. I turn my body to the right, and there he was, peacefully sleeping with half his face against his pillow. His back muscles were flexing by his position and I wonder how he could be a show off even on his sleep.

My stomach hurts, and I feel and hear it growling. I quickly sit putting a hand on top of it. I get out of the bed, not knowing what time it was. Probably still early because my alarm hasn't gone off.

I enter my room and grab my phone from the night stand. It was only six am, so I have time to take a bath before school. I could easily shower like I always do, but I read that taking cold baths burn calories, so that's what I'm doing.

I sit in the shower, scrolling through my feed, nothing interesting appears so I type "thinspo" in the search bar. Tons of profiles appear in my view and I smiled.

"Only if I looked like you!" I whisper staring at the thin girl in front of my eyes. Her thighs were so small that they didn't even touch! And I could see her bones sticking out in her shoulder.

Forty minutes went by when I realized I lost count of all the pictures and profiles I saw. I got off the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. My school uniform was lying on top of the table inside my walk-in closet. I grabbed a matching set of underwear and proceeded to put my skirt and shirt on, hating having to close the stupid buttons.

I get out of my room and enter Olivia's room. She was peacefully sleeping, but I woke her up, not wanting her to take too long again.

Breakfast was probably serve downstairs today, because I smelled the bacon and eggs in the air. How was I supposed to get out of eating that today? My mother doesn't care, I remembered. The less I eat, the happier she is.

I just lay in my bed, waiting for Chris or Olivia to scream at me that it was time to go. My stomach was killing me, and for a moment I considered crying because I was too hungry, but I rather be sad because I'm starving and not because I'm fat.

"Aren't you planning on leaving your room today?" Christopher asks annoyed, looking through my door.

"Is it time to leave yet?" I ask sitting up.

"Yes!" He shouts. "Now hurry up before we're late!"

I grabbed my bag from the floor and went behind him. I guess he's back to being an asshole like before. It's not like I was planning on being nice to him. Just because I had a weak moment last night with him and we actually talked about stuff and I accidentally fell asleep on his bed; doesn't mean I hate him less or that I consider him "my brother".

The ride to school was silent and I prayed he wouldn't try to half small talk. Putting my headphones on and listening to music helped ignoring him.

School went by fast, and by lunch time it felt like I was floating. Doing anything was harder than ever, and even thinking was hard with the pain I was feeling in my stomach. Maybe I should eat lunch, right? Pretty soon I'm reaching 24 hours without food and it feels so strange. Maybe some water at least.

"So, I was telling him how I would fuck him if I get an A." I heard my best friend say and I look up confused.

"What?!" I ask staring at her and then to Jeremy.

"She wants to fuck this nerd that will do her projects and stuff." He replies not surprised.

"You can't be serious?" I ask with half a smile. "Is he cute at least?"

"Kind of." She replies shrugging. "If he takes off his glasses I think."

I wanted to tell her she was insane, but who am I to judge when I'm a virgin. Maybe sex was fun like everyone says, or at least everyone in this school wouldn't be doing it. And girls risking getting pregnant or aids must be doing it for something worth the risk, right?

I wouldn't know, no one would be crazy enough to consider having sex with me. I'm fat and ugly, and uncultured on the topic.

The bell rang, and the next two classes went by quickly. Surprisingly the hunger went away. I know it will be back later, and I still feel weak, but that feeling of ease after a long day felt nice.

I decided to eat a banana again today after school and went to this gym Chris said Damien had. Turns out this house has another level in the bottom, if you take a set of stairs at the end of the hallway in the first floor. To say I was impressed is an understatement. I didn't care about the weights and other stuff he had, doing cardio was what I wanted right now.

I only walked for an hour, because I didn't have the strength to run, but it felt amazing afterwards. I was so tempted to weigh myself, but I want to be surprised when I see the coach on Friday. He will be proud, I know he will. And so, will mom, when I'm finally forty pounds less.