Hunger

f o r t y - o n e

I sit in front of him, a letter between my finger. He stares at me, waiting for me to say something, but I don't. I just sit there not knowing what to do.

"So," He asks frowning. "You went to see him?"

"Yeah." I reply sighing. "I did."

"How was it?" He asks crossing his arms. "Did it make you feel better?" He continues intrigued.

"It did." I smile, thinking of him. "He didn't forget about us." I tell him proud. "He wrote me letters."

He smiles, like he knew he hadn't, somehow, he's always right. "How did you get the letters?" He asks confused, looking at the one lying on my hand.

"I went to my old house." I tell him.

I explained everything, from the visit, the ride to my old neighborhood, and my conversation with the girl that now lives there. He was surprised, but also proud that I did all that. Not on my own, but with Nate, I still must learn to be independent. I'm aware that he won't be there forever to take me places or help with my anxiety.

"I want to read you something." I say with a smile. "It's the last letter he ever wrote."

He nods, and I sigh opening the envelope and taking the paper out.

"Hey princess, I came to the conclusion that you don't live at the house anymore. No matter how angry you were at me, you always forgave me in less than a day and talked to me. I know that you probably hate me now for ignoring you, for what I did, but I began writing again and you never answered back. So, I assume you're gone and that's why you aren't answering, or at least that's what I'm hoping the case is. I can't live with myself if you hate me. You probably won't receive this one either, or answer, but I still have a tiny bit of hope that maybe you will.

I bet Alissa is married by now, and you have a new "father". I hope you don't forget me, cause it hurts not being able to see my daughters. I don't even know why I continue to write these letters, honestly I think they are the only thing that are keeping me sane inside this awful place

I hope you haven't lost interest in gymnastics. I know I was the one that paid for them, but now that I'm gone, do you even practice anymore? Does Olivia still love dancing? Even though I never had enough money to paid for her to take classes, I wanted her to dance forever, those were sacrifices that I had to make every day. Questions like this eat me alive every day. Not knowing how you are or if you're even safe.

I don't know that man, but I hope he makes her happy. I hope you are happy. If only you could see this, or come to see me, but I know you probably resent me now. It's my fault, I deserve this. I've never should've gotten involved with the wrong people.

I love you Katherine, you and your sister. Alissa probably hates me, but I still love her, and she will always be in my heart.

Counting the days until I can see you again,

love dad."

I put the paper back in the envelope, taking a deep breath and cleaning up my tears. The first time I read the letter I sobbed for hours. I felt so guilty, like it was my fault that he was in pain. He thought I hated him.

"Why did you tell me that." Doctor Baize asks, sadness in his eyes. "That's too personal, you shouldn't have." He sighs frowning.

"I wanted you to know." I reply with a small smile. "And besides, I have no else to talk about this." I add shrugging. "I still can't bring myself to talk about my father to Nate."

"Why?" He asks. "Are you embarrassed of him?

"No!" I reply. "Of course not. I just, I don't know how to talk to people about my emotions. I feel like I'm just giving them more problems. They have problems of their own, they don't need to listen to my pathetic life." I laugh.

"That's true." He says with a smile. "But, what would be of this world if people didn't talk to each other? People would go crazy if they kept all their emotions bottled up. You need to learn to trust people." He says. "You can't live with the mentality that you are just a burden to everyone because you will never learn how to be honest with yourself or others."

"It's hard!" I say exasperated. "And besides, I have you."

"I'm not going to be there for you forever Katherine." He whispers. "You need to be able to live life without needing other people's help."

"How?" I sigh.

"I know you love Nathaniel, but he can't be the only person in your life. You need to make friends, go out more." He smiles, taking off his glasses. "To have fun."

I roll my eyes, pretending not to care about his words, but I did. I wanted friends, girl friends. I wanted to be happy.

"I hate you sometimes." I whisper, staring at the envelope lying on my lap.

"Because I'm right." He says with a smile. "I'm always right!" He laughs.

"You're not." I reply laughing too. "But you're still right, most of the time."

The alarm, rings, signaling that our time was over. I stand up, grabbing my bag and putting it on my shoulder.

"See you soon Katherine." He says smiling.

"Whatever." I reply, smiling back at him, and going out the door.