The Second Padawan

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Chapter Ninety-Nine

I arrived back into the privacy of my dorm. The so called ability Barriss spoke of, it was everything the Jedi raised me to be against. It was against my own principles as-well. The last thing I wanted to do was fall victim to the temptations of the dark side.

Who was I to control who lives and who dies. Who was I to try to control anything.

The Jedi.

The whole reason we are even fighting in this war is for control. "Keeping the Peace" is infact control, and once we lost said peace, we launched a military campaign alongside the chancellor to retain the status quo. What was so different about this?

Padmé was a Senator who valued more than just her own people, but the entire Galaxy as a whole. She was the most important thing in my Masters life, she deserved to be saved. So many others deserved it aswell.. Jado...Ismene... the younglings I saw in the near future, slaughtered like the rest of the Jedi.

Me learning this ability could help hundreds, no thousands, no millions of people! It would be one step in the right direction...or it could swallow me whole making me a shell of a person desperate for power...like my father.

I could atleast try. I was tempted to see how much this ability could improve my healing capabilities.

Taking a deep breath, I held my hands over my eyes. The cells were dead, far beyond repair. "I am one with the force, and the force is with me." I whispered.

I could sense each and every cell, they were all dead within the eye. They would just reject any of the life force I poured into them.

It was pointless. I don't even know why I gave myself the thought I could see again, let alone save everyone.

The thought of my blindness infuriated me. Outisde I powered through it, use the force as my only and absolute judgement, but alone it was different. I was left with the thoughts of what things were, what they could have been, and what they...what I cannot be. I was blind, I'd never be as skilled as I use to be, I'd never be able to see my Padawans face, anyone's face.

"Come on.." I hissed, "I am one with the force and the force is with me."

"Yes, it's imposing your will upon the force, bending it to do what you want to do. It's unnatural, it's the power of the dark side."

I remembered Barriss's words. 'Impose my own will upon the force' I focused my own frustrations, rather than clearing my mind.

I thought about my father and how much I hated him I would use that hate to power myself, just this once and no more.

Rather than empowering me, my rage fueled a singular tear. I immediately stopped, this wouldn't work. I didn't want to feel what that tear provoked, I didn't want to feel the pain I pushed down for the past year...I didn't want to think of him.

My holo disc on my desk beeped. I got up and grabbed it with the force, switching the button to answer.

"Who is this...I cannot see you." I said.

"It's me, Padmé." I relaxed at the familiar voice.

"Hey.."

"Ani told me what happened to you, I'm so sorry Liyah." I heard her sympathy. "If you're free, we can talk. I got this herbal tea imported from Onderon."

"I'll be over there in a few." I smiled. This would have been the perfect chance for me to sense any abnormalities with her pregnancy.

"I'll be eagerly waiting."