Mantis

17. Fear lurks in the darkness

Sitting with my head against the door, I couldn't think of anything specific because the panic that engulfed me had driven all images out of my head. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was chocolate, staring at me like a predator preparing to attack, and my heart raced as if it were in a race.

Some doors opened, and Lu's voice reached me.

– What happened? – she asked, genuinely concerned, approaching me. – Why were you yelling at him like that? Did he do something to you?

She squatted beside me and tried to make eye contact.

– Nothing like that – I muttered, getting up slowly, still trembling like jelly. – He'll never show up here again. You can go to sleep – I assured her, barely glancing at her, and went to my room.

I stood in the middle of the small room, not knowing what to do. It was half past four, which meant I still had over two hours before my first class of the day. My heart pounded in my chest like a runaway train, and there was no way I could sleep, so out of lack of other ideas, I stepped into the shower. I turned on a strong stream of hot water, hoping that the high temperature would warm up my body so my heart wouldn't know what it was really racing for.

I tried to wash away any traces of his touch, but I still felt his weight and touch on me, so I finally stepped out of the shower and grabbed my gym bag. I had to do something with myself because the silence surrounding me on all sides, while a tornado raged within me, was driving me crazy.

– Leaving? – I heard Lu's voice behind me as I put my hand on the doorknob.

– I'm going to the gym – I replied, barely looking at her, and crossed the threshold.

– Are you sure everything's okay? – Lu asked, watching me carefully.

Finally, I looked directly into her alert hazel eyes.

– Sure. Everything's under control – I lied and quickly closed the door behind me, shutting myself off from her vigilant, concerned gaze.

Nothing was under control, and nothing was okay.

I marched briskly through the still mostly asleep streets of Warsaw, and when I stood in the gym, my eyes immediately fell on the red training dummy.

I stood facing the dummy, and instead of its empty, artificial head, I saw a devilishly cute face, with chocolate eyes as its center and only lively element. I struck once, and the entire silhouette of this fake Victor tilted backward, then leaned forward again towards me, so I struck a second time, and then another and another, and I stopped counting, immersing myself in the fight with this new, silicone–covered version of Victor. I only stopped hitting it when I had no more strength to move my arms, and sweat flooded my eyes.

– Do the hospital where the classes were held, I arrived almost on the dot. In the meantime, all the energy that surged within me during the fight with the imaginary Victor had drained away, and I felt exhausted again, as if a steamroller had run over me.