Butterfly's Year

39. Manuel's gravest sin

I had been staring at the test for five minutes, and my heart was still pounding in my chest as if I had just finished a sprint. Two lines. Two. Pregnant. Baby. End of the world. End of my life. How am I going to deal with this? How am I going to tell the world? How could I let this happen?

– Just stay calm. Just stay calm – the little voice inside me kept repeating. – Slowly. We have Many. We are not alone. We need to tell him, and together we'll figure it out. Just don't panic.

The little voice was right. Step by step. Everything step by step and calmly.

I grabbed my phone and typed a text message, which I corrected probably a hundred times before finally sending it. I had to tell him. I had no idea what to do next, but he had to know. Together it would definitely be easier to handle everything.

Paulina: Hey. We need to meet.

It didn't even take five minutes for him to reply. My reliable Many.

Many: Sure, Princessa :* Whenever you want.

Paulina: As soon as possible.

Many: You're in such a hurry? ;) Do you have something specific in mind? ;)

I groaned inwardly. Why did he have to be playful now when I needed concrete actions?

Paulina: Many, please.

Many: Did something happen?

Paulina: Yes.

Many: Then tell me.

Paulina: I can't. I need to see you.

The wait for his response seemed interminable. I jumped when my phone beeped, even though I had been staring at the screen the whole time.

Many: Okay. I finish training in half an hour. In an hour at the usual place?

Paulina: Ok

I immediately jumped up from my chair, threw on the first jacket I could find, and rushed to our meeting place. I don't quite remember how our conversation started, but I clearly remember the words that followed when I voiced the result of the pregnancy test.

– Pregnant? – Manuel repeated after me, clearly confused. – With whom?

I frowned, and the little voice inside me widened its eyes.

– What do you mean with whom? – I replied with a question, because the answer was obvious.

Manuel clearly didn't think so, judging by his next words.

– We use condoms – he stated, as if that settled the matter.

– Not always – I reminded him.

– But I always pull out. It's not my child. It can't be. Maybe you misread the test?

There was panic in his eyes, and instead of reassuring me, it made me feel even more lost than when I first looked at the test.

– Manuel, I didn't misread anything – I stated, trying to stay calm, although the little voice inside me was clearly alarmed by Manuel's strange behavior. – I'm pregnant and it's yours... I don't know, maybe the condom broke or you pulled out too late. What are you staring at?

Manuel had a look on his face as if he was calculating something deeply.

– Why would I finish inside you? – he finally said, with an accusatory tone mixed with a lot of worry.