I didn't remember when exactly I fell asleep or how long I slept, but when I woke up, it was already light. I turned towards the other side of the bed to cuddle with Victor, but his place was empty.
I got up reluctantly and gently sank my feet into the fluffy carpet. I walked to the bathroom, but there was no sign of my beloved there. Nor was he in the kitchen or living room. So, I set off on a tour of the other rooms in our palace and finally found him in the guest bedroom.
He was kneeling on the carpet facing the window, with his hands clasped in his lap. His eyes were closed, and he looked deeply contemplative, so I leaned my fluffy-robed shoulder against the door frame and watched him in silence until he opened his eyes.
– What are you doing? – I asked, sending him a look full of polite curiosity.
Victor looked at me, half surprised, half embarrassed.
– I'm praying – he replied, avoiding my gaze a little. – What? – he asked, probably unable to decipher my smile, which I couldn't suppress.
When he glanced at me shyly, I melted and couldn't control my expression, and the corners of my mouth lifted by themselves.
– Nothing – I replied, still smiling. – I just didn't know you were so... – I paused, considering the best words – close to God. I've never seen you pray, and we've spent quite a bit of time together.
Victor stood up and brushed invisible dust off his knees.
– I don't flaunt it – he said in a friendly, though slightly more serious tone – but God is always in my heart. Why are you looking at me like that?
– Well, I... – I paused, thinking about how to put my thoughts into words.
He surprised me. I had no idea he was a believer. I always saw him as someone firmly grounded in reality. The way he was didn't align with my image of a devout Christian. Not that I considered him bad or anything, because he was very good, tender, and loving when he wanted to be, but this was Vic. He broke rules and didn't follow any regulations when it wasn't convenient for him. Especially if those rules were to be enforced by some higher power from... heaven.
– You don't believe in God – Victor said before I could finish my thought aloud. – It's okay, it doesn't bother me.
He leaned over and, as if to confirm his words, kissed the top of my head.
– I wanted to say that I never suspected you of piety from the way you are – I clarified, looking up at him meaningfully, slightly bewildered by the new information. – And it's not that I don't believe.
– No? – Victor looked at me with keen interest.
– I just... don't know – I replied after a moment of thought. – It's hard for me to imagine that there is some higher power watching over us, but allows so much evil in the world. So much suffering of innocent children, rapes, domestic violence, wars. It's unimaginable to me. I hold onto the belief that something guides me and helps me get up after every fall, that something watches over me, because that's what remained from my childhood when I prayed a lot. I just don't know if I'm holding onto it just to hold onto something and not be left to rely solely on myself. On the other hand, there are miracles that science couldn't explain, like the miracle in Lanciano. And I don't know. I can't just believe in words, as religion assumes. I never thought I would discuss this with you. And that we would differ so much in this regard.
Involuntarily, quite senselessly, I lowered my gaze, but Vic held my chin and lifted it so we could look into each other's eyes again.
– It doesn't bother me that you don't believe. Or that you believe differently – he quickly added. – I don't live by all the rules of the Church either. I pray, but that doesn't mean I'm some saint. Because if I were, we wouldn't be doing what we like to do so much.
He gave me a meaningful look and nudged my hip playfully, which automatically brought a smile to my face.
– But you do pray – I muttered, turning serious again, because, for some reason, it bothered me a lot.
After all, if I thought about it more deeply, I now mostly believed in the sure hand holding a reliable blade. That was a safer bet than the unexplored heavenly force he had just entrusted... something to.
– I do what I was taught – he said in a matter-of-fact but very warm tone. – I was raised in faith, my parents always took me to church, and it's a natural part of life for me. And... – he hesitated for a moment – I think God helped me once. When things were really bad in my family. My mom wasn't working, my dad got laid off and was quickly looking for odd jobs, and I was just starting out in school, earning next to nothing. And I went to church, gave half of my little, laughable salary as an offering, and suddenly things started getting better. Since then, I give part of my income to the Church and still pray. I think it gives me a bit more strength.– I wanted to lower my gaze again, embarrassed by what and with what passion he was saying, but he didn't let me. – But... – he looked at me very, very meaningfully, holding my chin – when I had trouble recently, the most strength and help I got was from a beautiful blonde with a deadly sharp knife in her hand – he whispered in my ear, hugging me tenderly. – My one-of-a-kind goddess. The greatest good and grace I could ever experience.
I felt his breath on the top of my head. A wonderful feeling of warmth and relaxation spread through my body, as always when he hugged me. I looked up and melted into his chocolate eyes.
YOU ARE READING
Butterfly's Year
Romance" - We are in a church, - I remarked sensibly. - Absolutely, - he agreed with a pleasant purr that vibrated between my legs. - Your parents are standing right there, - I whispered, discreetly pointing to his mom and dad standing in front of the alta...
