Butterfly's Year

41. Strained relations

– You must never let yourself be provoked by such talk, Victor – I said in a reproachful tone when we were alone in the apartment. – That's not how a serious businessman handles things.

Victor looked at me with tired eyes, anger mingling with helplessness.

– Sorry, but I'm not a serious person – he grumbled. – Our life has been a not-so-funny circus for months now, with so many incredible things happening that usually happen to one in a million people, and I have no idea how much longer I can take it.

He dropped his shoulders heavily and looked at me again with the eyes of an old man tired of life, just like he did in the stables when he worried about his business's survival. The small part of me curled up in despair over the boy still hiding inside Victor. He had taken just as much of a beating recently as the girl camping out in my subconscious.

– Oh, darling – I sighed, embracing him gently. – I know it's hard.

– Hard? – Victor snorted, pushing my arms away not too subtly and looking at me like I was crazy. – He's completely unhinged. He's the worst of it all. He comes to my work, stalks me on the street, and now he shows up here like he owns the place just because he made you pregnant, didn't want the child, and now suddenly wants to protect you from me. – He paused for a few seconds, as if deciding whether to continue. – If I had known that you had such a connection with him and how many problems it would bring, I wouldn't have taken you to Berlin back then. If I had known...

– Maybe you wouldn't have pursued this relationship at all, huh? – I voiced the spiteful whispers of the little creature inside me, who was genuinely hurt by his rejection of my comforting embrace.

Victor didn't answer immediately, looking at me apologetically instead.

– I'm sorry, Paulina – he said, grabbing my hands and wrapping them back around his torso. – I'm not angry at you, just at him. You're my sunshine. He's the one who steals all the joy from our love.

I didn't respond, and my arms remained still around his torso. Victor clung to me, embracing me as if he wanted to meld his body with mine. He slowly wandered his hands over my clothes, testing how far he could go in this situation. The small part of me was still bristling, but I couldn't stay mad at him. I was exhausted by all these incredible events that had suddenly decided to enter our lives.

His lips gradually approached mine, trying to awaken them to their usual dance. So I opened them and let his tongue slip inside. We deserved a moment of respite from this circus.

– My sunshine – Victor murmured between kisses. – My happiness.

He lifted me and carried me to the bed, where he lay me down and pulled me close. He hurriedly tore off his clothes as if they were burning him, then did the same with mine. Without waiting another moment, he pressed his lips to my body.

I moaned longingly, savoring his closeness. I wanted to prolong this moment as much as possible, but Victor was impatient and clearly thirsty. He settled between my legs and slid two fingers inside me.

– I'm so glad you're wet – he murmured contentedly to my breasts, scratching my nipples with his short stubble. – You're my favorite phenomenon in the universe.

With that, he thrust his hips against me, slid in completely, and began to move rhythmically. He pushed hard, so I wrapped my legs around his torso like a small koala, absorbing his short, energetic movements. It was a quick action. Victor didn't waste time. He slid deep inside me and was focused only on that.

– Oh fuck – he groaned blissfully, pulling out right after he climaxed. – That was awesome. I needed that.

He slapped my butt and sat up, then got up and went to the bathroom as if nothing had happened. He closed the door behind him, and it occurred to me that he needed me at that moment only to release his tension, and if he didn't need that, he wouldn't have touched me at all; he would have just gone to sleep.

I felt sad instantly. Did he really just relieve his stress and leave? Did he just use me and leave me here without even a little kiss or hug, like some girl from an escort agency?

I fell heavily onto the pillows, and all I wanted was to curl up and wait out this terrible, icy sorrow that suddenly engulfed me. I craved his closeness so much, yet he just left. He was close, but it felt like he was thousands of miles away from me.

I lay there curled up for several minutes in silence, lost in what could probably be called a half-sleep, while some creature I had never met before gnawed at my insides. Neither a dragon nor a snake prowled through my body, setting my organs ablaze with pain until it finally nestled around my heart and began to slowly wrap and squeeze it.

The small part of me stood helplessly with a bucket of tears, unsure if spilling them would do any good. Victor had only gone to the next room, but the way he did it hurt me deeply. Once, it wouldn't have mattered to me at all, but now... Now it made me terribly sad.

I was almost asleep when the bathroom door lock clicked, and Victor returned to the bedroom. The mattress on the other side of the bed sagged, then warmth settled on my bare shoulder.

– Are you asleep, darling? – Victor whispered cautiously.

I didn't respond. The snake-dragon persistently twisted inside my chest, trying to crawl up my throat and steal my voice, but the small creature living inside me held on to the last bits of reason.

– You won't hold it against him for one such episode, like some stuck-up princess – it announced with all its might. – The guy's having a bad day and is a boy raised in a patriarchal world who was never taught how to fully deal with his emotions. Maybe this was the only way he could let it out? Forget the sulking, but also skip any serious communication today and let him cuddle if he wants. It'll make both of you feel better. You can talk to him about healthy communication in the relationship tomorrow or whatever. Today, just chill.

I gathered all my strength and forced myself to look at him.