Butterfly's Year

57. Manuel's madness

I was left standing in the middle of the living room, unsure of what to do next. Victor had left, and I was still reeling from the shock of what he'd done, but I couldn't even move a muscle. It felt like I'd turned to stone and could only think and blink my eyes. The dragon-snake was feeding off my misfortune and had made itself comfortable around my heart, squeezing it tightly with steaming flames in between. I felt an intense burning pain in that area, gradually spreading through my body, replacing the previously cold feeling.

I slowly regained my strength, but instead of following Wik's advice and packing up, I picked up my phone and headed towards the exit.

I had no idea why I was going there. Maybe I wanted to follow Victor and ask for an explanation, or perhaps it was the only thing I could think to do other than stand still. In any case, I felt a bit empty inside and a nasty stabbing pain in my chest, so I just went down the stairs to the bottom of the building and started walking into the still-bustling evening life of Warsaw.

I hadn't been walking for about five minutes when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

I turned around and saw Manuel talking to me, but I didn't understand what he was saying.

– Manuel, go away from here – I said in a weak voice. – Give me some peace and quiet, please. I want some time to myself.

I moved before him again, but he did the same and said something else. I tried to hear him better so I could respond in a way that would get him to stop and move on.

– It's nothing, Paulina – said Manuel. – He's not a big deal. You can have anyone you want.

I didn't even have the energy to question how he knew that. My brain was on a high, and I just wanted to be alone, to go somewhere with many memories of my ex.

– Paulina, I know you may think all sorts of things about me – Manuel said, undeterred by my emotional state – but I've always only wanted what's best for you. – Your happiness is the most important thing for me. I was pretty awful when you carried our child. It was a big mistake. I couldn't forgive myself for it, but now I see a chance to make it up to you. A hundredfold. Just think about it. I think we can make everything even better. Let me show you something. Something that will impress you.

– Manuel – I said, catching my breath – I don't mean to offend you, but someone has already knocked me off my feet. – I just need to take a moment to rest.

I thought I had made myself clear, but he just smiled and followed me again.

– Paulina, I just want you to be happy again – he said in a caring tone, I think. – You need to step back and look at everything from a distance. – My father would love for you to join us for dinner.

The last words snapped me out of this strange lethargy for a moment. My heart was still hurting, but my mind felt better. Rafael was like a father to me. Every child should have someone like him in their life. I think my heart would feel a little better if I could talk to Rafael, a wise person. He was always so level-headed, and when we spoke last in Berlin, I thought he cared about my well-being. Perhaps I would have been a little better off if I had spoken to him. Perhaps I would have been able to take my mind off this pain and the whole situation, which I still didn't fully understand.

– Don't let me ask you – said Manuel, pulling me back to the present. – He likes you so much.

I gave a little mental smile. Manuel was fortunate to have such a father. He might have lost himself lately, but Rafael could care for him. Maybe it would be a good idea to meet him, not just for my own sake – because Rafael couldn't change my difficult situation – but to help Manuel. Rafa might not have been able to keep up with what was going on with his son lately since he was living in Berlin and Manuel was often in Warsaw. I should tell him to look more closely at his son. For Manuel's sake.