Play Me | BXB

nineteen

Damian

I couldn't help myself but wonder about Elliot's reaction in my car.

Was he afraid that I would judge him about his past? Was he just too shy? Was he uncomfortable talking about it? Had something bad happened to him?

With every passing minute a new question popped up in my head.

I literally wanted to pull out all of my hair one by one.

I grabbed my phone from my nightstand.

It was 3am. On a school night. Wonderful.

I stared at my message to him that had stayed on delivered for more than eight hours now.

i had a great time with you! maybe you want me to pick you up tomorrow for school?

I knew in that exact moment that I shouldn't send something like that. But I had already pressed the send button.

Maybe everything was going too fast?

What even is too fast or too slow?

What would be the normal pace to go about things like this?

I didn't know what else to do, so I took my phone again and typed in "how to get someone to trust me?"

Not even a minute later I put down my phone and groaned into my pillow.

Why was I sweating so much?

I had been such a dick to him.

Why would he open up to me if the next minute I could say things like 'I don't even know who you are'?

I heard Lisa's voice in my head saying, "you are experiencing all this too". Or something like, "this is your first time living as well." Or maybe, "you dealt with things in the best way how you could at the moment."

But did I? Absolutely not.

I had known that I liked him the second I laid my eyes on him.

Sure, it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that I like him. That I like a guy.

But I've never been more sure about anything else in my life.

Suddenly my phone lit up from a notification.

I almost fell out of my bed as soon as I saw that Elliot had texted me back.

So sorry for not answering. Haven't been feeling the best today. I think I have a cold maybe, so I won't be going to school tomorrow.

My smile dropped almost as soon as it had appeared.

can't sleep?

I waited for an answer after that until it was almost 4am.

I knew that most probably he had just fallen asleep, however my brain wanted to make sure that it thinks that he is ignoring me.

i hope you feel better soon.

Did I fuck everything up?