Shrek 2 (OC Insert)

Awkward Dinner

The scene fades to Shrek to gulping at the dinner table. To his sides sits Fiona, Lillo and Queen Lillian, and across from him sits King Harold. Queen Lillian looks around nervously and King Harold glares at Shrek. Shrek, unsure of how to eat the food on his plate properly, plops it in his mouth, and grins with the food still stuck in his teeth. Queen Lillian cringes and Lillo lowers his ears a bit under his hood. Fiona tries to sip her drink courteously, but lets out a loud belch and covers her mouth.

Fiona: "Excuse me."

Shrek: "Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?"

Shrek and Fiona laugh and Lillo giggles quietly before he stops.

Shrek: "That's good..."

They stop laughing after neither King Harold nor Queen Lillian join in.

Lillo: "I guess not..."

They suddenly hear Donkey yelling in another room.

Donkey: "What do you mean, 'not on the list?' Don't tell me you don't know who I am."

Donkey comes bursting in the room from the kitchen doors.

Donkey: "Hey! What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. You know I had the hardest time finding this place."

Donkey pulls up a seat next to King Harold.

King Harold: "No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!"

Fiona: "No, no, no, Dad! It's all right! It's all right. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon."

Donkey: "Yup, that's me. The noble steed. Hey, waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?"

Lillo: "*lightly scolds* Donkey, be nice!"

Shrek: "Oh, boy..."

Shrek loudly slurps from his bowl.

Fiona: "Um, Shrek?"

Shrek: "Yeah? Oh! Sorry! Great soup, Mrs. Q. Mmm!"

Fiona: "No, no. Darling."

Fiona demonstrates that the bowl he ate from is for washing his hands.

Shrek: "Oh!"

The rest of the dinner table does the same.

Queen Lillian: "So, Fiona, tell us about where you live."

Fiona: "Well...Shrek owns his own land with his brother. Don't you, honey?"

Shrek: "Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and...cute little duckies and-"

Donkey: "What?! *laughing* I know you ain't talking about the swamp!"

Lillo: "*gritting his teeth* Donkey! Shh!"

King Harold: "*sarcastically* An ogre and a creature from a swamp. Oh! How original."

Donkey dunks his mouth into his bowl and starts drinking.

Lillo: "I mean, the swamp isn't the best place in the land, but it has lovely perks in it. It's not really terrible when you get used to it for so long!"

Queen Lillian: "Well, I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children..."

King Harold starts choking on his drink and Shrek accidentally swallows his spoon. They both gag until Shrek spits his spoon out onto the table.

Shrek: "*chuckling* It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?"

King Harold: "Indeed. I just started eating."

Queen Lillian: "Harold!"

Shrek: "*offended* What's that supposed to mean?"

Fiona: "Dad. It's great, okay?"

King Harold: "Well, for his type, yes."

Shrek: "My type?!"

Lillo: "*lowers a bit* Oh no..."

Donkey: "Uhhh- I gotta go to the bathroom."

The chef and a host of servers enter the room with dinner, including a whole turkey, lobster, and a pig.

Chef: "Dinner is served!"

Donkey: "Never mind. I can hold it."

The servers set the food on the table.

Chef: "Bon appetit!"

Donkey: "Ooh, Mexican food! My favorite!"

Lillo: "Donkey it's not Mexican food, it's a full on genuine five star royal meal!"

Queen Lillian: "Well, let's not just sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in!"

Donkey: "Don't mind if I do, Lillian."

King Harold: "So, I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be-"

Shrek: "Ogres, yes!"

King Harold pulls the lobster towards himself, Shrek does the same with the turkey.

Queen Lillian: "Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?"

King Harold: "Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your own young!"

King Harold violently stabs the lobster with a knife.

Fiona: "Dad!"

Shrek: "Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower!"

Shrek rips off both drumsticks off the turkey and bites them.

Fiona: "Shrek, please!"

King Harold: "I only did that because I love her!"

King Harold pierces a piece from the lobster and shoves it to the boiler.

Shrek: "Oh, aye! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle?!"

Shrek rips out the wishbone from the turkey.

King Harold: "You wouldn't understand! You're not her father!"

Fiona sighs as Shrek and King Harold continue to rip apart their food, sending bits and pieces flying across the table.

Queen Lillian: "It's so nice to have the family together for dinner."

Lillo: "*whispers to himself* Why does scary stuff like this happen to us all the time?"

Shrek and King Harold tug over the pig in the middle of the table, accidentally sending it flying upwards.

Queen Lillian: "Harold!"

Fiona: "Shrek!"

Shrek: "Fiona!"

King Harold: "Fiona!"

Fiona: "Mom!"

Queen Lillian: "Harold..."

Donkey: "Donkey!"

Lillo: "Look out!"

The pig was about to land on the table before it was suddenly stopped mid air. They looked over at Lillo, who has his hands out and sighs in relief before gently placing the pig down. Fiona looks at Shrek and King Harold, and then runs out of the room.