scoring you

Chapter 21

Alyssa

I can't sleep, I can't drink, I can't eat, I can't do fucking anything.

I was having fun- I was normal I was being fucking normal as I should. As I fucking should.

Then he texted me.

He's happy that I'm coming to see him in two weeks and he's hoping to see me in fit shape.

No fucking exaggeration.

I can't breath when I think about him, I can't think when he lingers in my thoughts. Which is almost all the fucking time.

Except when I'm with Aiden.

So I bolted out of there, I fucking ran out on him while he was teaching me how to ride a bike. Something a father should do for you- not someone you hardly know.

I realized in that very moment that I couldn't let that happen.

I couldn't let another soul come close to me.

I have Tess, I have Caleb, I have my Mum.

Though none of them I can really confide in.

So what good would another name be when added to that list?

Especially Aiden Peters.

---

I attend class the following day as usual but this time a lingering feeling of guilt and nerves cloud me.

This morning I went to the gym until I felt faint.

Then I came back home and returned to the scales.

It. Hadn't. Fucking. Changed.

So I went into the comfort of my perfectly dark room and slept on my bed for two hours until messily tying my hair up for class and leaving the house in a hurry.

I didn't eat because I can't.

I literally can't.

My body immediately rejects it like a bad fucking smell, It just throws the liquid up as soon as it enters my body.

But that's okay, it's for the better.

That's my new rule for myself: don't eat, don't even attempt.

I walk through the classroom door an my heartbeat drums in my ear.

Aiden is sitting in our usual spot looking at me expectantly and I can see the worry in his eyes from fucking all the way over here.

Fuck.

I look down at my feet as I walk upwards and I hate myself for it.

I walk past Aiden, I walk past him and don't look back but I can feel is glaze piercing me with confusion and hurt.

There's an empty spot today- I heard a a few girls talking about how their friend wouldn't be attending todays class.

And thank fucking god for that because if I had to sit next to Aiden for an entire hour I would surely throw up all over him.

I try not to looks up during the lecture, I try not to watch Aiden and the back of his head turning round every few minutes watching me with confusion flooding his dark expression.

At the end of the lecture I run out of there.

I actually run and I don't look back.

---

I let the cigarette go to my head as it overwhelms me.

Fucking hell I need a better coping mechanism.