scoring you

Chapter 38

Alyssa

The plane takes off at a slow speed as I lay back in the chair, book in hand.

I smile as I look over at Aiden, his chin laying on my shoulder reading the page alongside me. "You like it?" I ask with raised eyebrows, "It's a romance."

"I liked the other one more," he says and I remember when he read the same book I brought the previous day.

"Yeah?" 

"What's happening in this one?" He asks, fully interested and it brings a light blush to my cheeks.

He cares about the little things, and it may not seem like much but it means the world to me.

I flip to the front cover, yours truly, "well.. I'm up to the part were they're fake dating in front of the guys family."

He grins, "sounds like something I know."

"Except for the part where their both secretly in love with each other," I point out.

"Sounds like something else I know as well," he repeats.

He obviously means like not love. He secretly liked me.

He points to the book, "do you want to be an author?"

"No," I shake my head, "I mean that would be great but I'm way too fucking lazy to write an entire book, besides I'd rather be something else."

"What?"

"It's stupid," I say.

"No it's not."

"You haven't even heard what I'm gonna say yet!"

"Tell me then," I lay my cold cheek on his chest and draw patterns along his palm with my finger.

"I've always wanted to be a child psychiatrist."

"Why would that be stupid?" He asks.

I shrug, "my life is a piece of shit, I couldn't help anyone else's."

"I think you can be anything you want, if you try."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"You know," I smile as I look up at his tanned face, his emerald eyes softening, "if you were this sweet years ago, we would of been together way before now."

His eyes widen at my words, "together?"

"Well yeah, duh Aiden- we're together right now, aren't we?"

"I don't mean like that," he tucks my blonde hair behind my ear, "I mean together-together, like boyfriend and girlfriend." I swear I can hear his heartbeat fasten.

Mine does as well.

I never wanted to commit myself to someone, I know how it will ultimately end, nothing ever goes my way, something will always bulldoze it down- or I'll make a mistake that I can't take back. Or he'll get sick of me- he might say he won't, but everyone lies, and even though I'd trust him with my life he can't predict the future.

But as I look at him the only words that want to spill out of my mouth is, yes.

It's all I want to say.

"Are you proposing to me Peters?" I ask jokingly. 

"Oh yes," he smiles but I can sense the nerves bouncing around in it, "so what do you say?"

I tell myself to say the right thing- no. To protect him- myself from heartbreak.

Selfish again, I'm only thinking about my fucking self.