Out of My Reach

Chapter 13

After a few weeks of C.J ignoring me and then talking to me at random times of the day, I got tired of his crap and just thought about James. Alex and Charlie are both talking to James through kik, just like I am. I wanted them to meet James for themselves and to see how amazing he was. Plus, he kind of wanted to meet them, so I let him.

Alex and Charlie seem really good friends with him and I'm glad. My friends are getting along!

The weekend made its way back to me, once again and James wanted to Skype again. He must be home alone, so I started talking to him, with his cousin and his other friend. My heart did this weird thing and it felt like it was going to pop out of my chest, and my stomach felt like a million elephants doing cartwheels and I wanted to throw up, but once I hit that little green call button. I knew there was no turning back now.

They were talking about random things. Hitler, dolphins, Russia Dolphins, tv shows and video games. Honestly it was one of the most weirdest conversations I've ever had, but I liked it. I talked a little bit more this time. James makes me talk every once in awhile. I like talking, I'm just a shy and nervous person. I always think of the worst possible out come of a situation, so I guess I'm a pessimist.

One day I believe he will stop talking to me and just focus on another person. I hate thinking like that, it breaks my heart and makes me feel sad. I try to stop the bad thoughts, but they don't seem to ever go away. Then I tell myself, "he's your friend and he won't forget about you."

I know it's sad to think like that but, once you have a connection with someone, no matter what that connection is, friendship, relationship, marriage, whatever it is. You can't forget about that connection and you don't ever forget about that person. No matter how bad you want to forget it, you can't. The connection is so strong that it pulls you in every time. Every time you're close to forgetting, someone reminds you of that person, or that person texts or calls you, and you can't help but bring up the happy memories again. Anything to bring up the happy memories of what once was.

As you can tell I'm not talking about James anymore. I'm talking about C.J, we had some good times together, but it's over. The memories are still there though and so is the connection, somedays you just want it to go away forever, but that's not how anything works. Nothing ends up going your way.

I sat in my room, alone. Occupied with my thoughts. Then James texted me.

"Hey." He said and I smiled.

"Hi." I replied and wondered, is he smiling right now like I am? Probably not. I thought, my pessimistic side becoming the best of me.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Not much, listening to music and drinking peace tea." I said as I took another sip of my 'razzleberry' peace tea.

"Man this stuff is good." I said to myself.

"Oh my gosh, I love peace tea. There is like a whole vending machine in my school filled with peace tea." He replied and I became jealous. He has more peace tea options.

"I'm so jealous, you have more options than me." I replied with a sad emoji on the end of my sentence.

"It's ok. You don't need to be jealous." He said and he did this thing where he said, *hug*

I'm pretty sure that means he hugged me, but like virtually. It's like an action thing.

So I 'hugged' him back.

"Ok." I said and then continued with our conversation.

"So, what's up with you?" I asked, realizing I haven't asked him, we started talking about me.

"Not much, just looking at the ceiling, thinking." He said.

"He must be bored" I thought, but then I realized he said 'thinking.' He's thinking too.

"I wonder what he's thinking, I wonder if he's thinking of me as much as I am thinking of him." I thought but realized I'm starting to sound desperate.

"I seriously need to calm down." I thought as I replied.

"Sounds fun." I said, being sarcastic.

"Eh." He said, so I said "ok." He read my message but never replied. I threw my phone on my bed and went for a walk.

I was soon stopped by C.J as I walked passed his house.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" He asked me. I only said sure because he's still my friend and I should get over the whole 'ignoring me' thing. He's just been busy with football lately.

He grabbed my hand and lead my inside his house and down the hall way, to the left. We passed several rooms until we got to his.

He lead me inside and shut and locked the door. I began to get scared.

"Why did he lock the door?" I thought to myself.

"Sit." He said as he stood in front of me.
I sat down at his computer chair and looked at him.

"I'm sorry for being a dick lately, I've been busy with football and Alexis is being a bitch so I'm just stressing out over everything and I wrote a speech for you and everything because I care about you and stuff." He said as he made his way closer to me, then he continued while I listened.

"Look Jenna, I like you a lot and everything and you know like three weeks ago when you said " I'm not your girlfriend, why should I care?" Well, I was thinking. I want you to be my girlfriend, I want to be your boyfriend and I want us to fall in love." He said, making his way closer to me and holding my hands.

"Let me think." I said as I started pacing back and forth in his room.

"James is amazing and I feel feelings for James. I like him a lot and could possibly want a relationship with him." I thought, still pacing around the room.

"But I like C.J too and I've liked him since the first time I've ever seen him or even talked to him, but I like James a lot and I've like him ever since we physically talked."

"This is a hard decision." I thought.

"Can I answer you in a couple days, maybe even a couple of weeks?" I asked him and he said that he would wait how ever long he needed to for an answer.

I went home and thought about it for hours, until I couldn't think about it anymore and I fell asleep.