Some dude on the phone with Chilli: I've been kidnapped by a guy you know.
Chilli on the other line of the call: I know a lot of guys. Describe him.
Some dude on the phone with Chilli: ... hot?
Chilli on the other line of the call: god dammit, Attie's kidnapping folks again-
Chilli: This next trick is called a hospital flip! *Jumps super high on a trampoline.*
Atlas: Why is it called a hospital-
Chilli: *Slams facedown onto the concrete.*
Chilli: At my funeral, I want you to go up to the front, put your hand over your heart and just say...
Chilli: *Pretends to cry.* 'She ate.'
Chilli and Atlas: *WHEEZE.*
Atlas: I'll just be like *Pretends to cry.* 'Honestly...'
Atlas: 'Work.'
Chilli and Atlas: * W H E E Z E *
Chilli: *Cosplaying Velvette and filming a TikTok.* WHAT UP BITCHES? WE'RE COSPLAYING!
Atlas: *Cosplaying Lucifer.* AND NOW, I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU!
Atlas: NOW LET'S GO FUCK SOME ASS!
Chilli: The expression is 'kick some ass' Attie.
Atlas: Mines better.
Some guy: *Trying to burn Chilli alive.*
Atlas: *Watching from the sidelines.* She's immortal! That ain't doing shit!"
Chilli: *Warming hands on the nice toasty inferno.* I can fake it if that'll get you off, man.
Chilli: I'll call security!
Atlas: For a trip to a theme park?
Chilli: I'm rich, you're hot. People want my money and your body.
Atlas: *Is well built and a solid foot taller than Chilli.*
Chilli: *casually tossing him around like a rag doll.*
Chilli: No one loves me, but I'm really good with guns!
Chilli: Dad, this is Attie, he's in love with a cartoon owl.
Atlas: Chilli, I am not above slapping a woman in front of her father.
Chilli: Who the fuck actually likes clowns?
Atlas: i fiND CLOWNS DELIGHTFUL-
Atlas: If someone's ever choking you, just moan really loud, and they'll get really uncomfortable and let you go.
Chilli: MiMi? I only like her as a friend.
Atlas: Your eyes literally become hearts when you see her.
Chilli:
Chilli: Allergies.
Atlas: Oh, they gave me fanta, I wanted Pepsi...
Chilli: *Stands up in chair.* GET MY BOY A PEPSI BEFORE I KICK YOUR LAUGHABLY FLAT ASS INTO NEXT YEAR BITCH!
Waiter: Miss, we don't have pepsi-
Chilli: WELL GO FUCKING BUY SOME HOE-
Atlas: *Blows up pancakes with mind.*
Chilli: My fucking pancakes-
Pancakes: 💥💥💥
Atlas: If history repeats itself, I'm so getting a dinosaur.
Chilli: You ever get your ass beaten by your boyfriend because he has a twin brother, and you got confused and ended up fucking his sister?
Atlas: what the fuck-
Atlas: Are you pretty? Breathe if yes, sing Loser, baby in french in no.
Chilli: 🎵 Les choses semblent aller mal, et tu es au pied du mur. 🎵
Atlas: What the fuck-
Chilli: 🎵Ton existence entière semble sans espoir🎵
Chilli: Mum, a pirate ate my arm.
Chilli's mum: well maybe if you weren't always on that laptop-
Atlas: There's a monster under my bed.
Atlas's dad: There's no monster, go to sleep. *Leaves.*
Chilli under Atlas's bed: I told you he wouldn't believe you.
Chilli: *getting handsy with some guy.* What's your name, by the way?
The guy: Dennis.
Chilli: Christ on a stick, you would be a Dennis. *Shoves him to the ground and walks away.*
Chilli: So from us at the Immediate Murder Professionals group we promise to settle your unfinished business. Or your money...
Chilli: Is gone, and your never getting it back and you can write us a bad review. But we'll play dumb to it because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.
Chilli: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still feeling fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffees in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch. Attie?
Atlas: I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put 'Alex' or 'Alice', I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto. Please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-
Atlas: *Yelling to Martha Jefferson.* Sorry, I fucked your husband!
Chilli on a date: would I kill someone after one date? Eh, depends. Oh, kiss. No.
Chilli: Now let's get back to talking about my outfit.
Atlas: No one mentioned your outfit.
Chilli: yeah, that's why I'm trying to get the ball rolling. It looks good, right?
Atlas: I can't stand your relentless flirting!
Chilli: Then sit that lovely ass down sweetcheeks!
Atlas: I have a new kink. Chilli speaking French.
Chilli: lé fuck you
Atlas: so hot.
Priest: I now pronounce you husband and wife-
Chilli in the pews: HE CHEATED ON YOU!
Priest: WHO SAID THAT? WHO SAID THAT??? WHO SAID THAT???????
Priest: I now pronounce you husband and wife-
Atlas in the pews: HE SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER!
Priest: WHO SAID THAT????!???!!!!!!???????!!!!!!! WHO SAID THAT????????????????? WHO SAID THAT?!!!!????!?!
Priest: I now pronounce you husband and wife-
Chilli in the pews: HIS HAIRLINE'S RECEDING!
Priest: WHO FUCKING SAID THAT?????????????????????????????
Soap opera: Why don't you love me, Alejandro?!
Chilli: *Lonely and single.* That's a mood Gabriella!
Atlas: I love men.
Chilli: We're theatre kids. Of course we play smash-or-pass with Broadway characters.
Atlas: We're theatre kids. Of course we question how the hell the leads got the leads.
Chilli: We're theatre kids. Of course we're surprised it took so long for us to get diagnosed.
Atlas: We're theatre kids. Of course it's rare for us to be completely cis and het.
Chilli: I don't want people to look at me and say 'wow, shes so pretty!' I want people to look at me and say 'I have no idea what gender that bitch is.'
Chilli: You know how you said I can count on you for anything, and nothing is off limits?
Atlas: *Chokes for a second.* Yeah?
Chilli: Well, I'm out of vodka and coco pops, so can you go get some?
