Scarlett, Alex, and their childs, Sunny and Lydia. plus the gay aunties, MK and Gina.
Sunny: How does it feel to be the only straight person in the family?
Lydia: *Stifles laugh in 'ace in the hole' and 'aro in the bullseye.'*
*Babysitting.*
Gina: Give him a croissant. Everyone loves croissants.
MK: I don't think he can eat solid foods, babe.
Gina: Well, put it in the blender!
MK: Got it! *Picks up toddler sunny and opens blender.*
Gina: THE CROISANT, NOT THE BABY-
Scarlett: THIS IS MADNESS!
Lydia: THIS IS INSANITY!
Sunny: I LIKE MEN!
Sunny: Lyd, I'm mad. Let's fight.
Lydia: *Points sharpened knitting needles at him.*
Sunny: puT THAT AWAY YOU PSYCHO!
Scarlett: Lydia, I need you to take the trash out.
Lydia: Isn't that what dad's for?
Scarlett: How traditional of you.
Lydia: I'm not traditional, I'm just lazy.
Sunny: I'm not gay! I'm straight- I'm kinda straight!
Scarlett: Ok, so what do you want your character to be named?
Lydia: Deez.
Scarlett: Ok, Deez what?
Alex: *Drops glass and covers mouth in dread.*
Sunny: *Dramatic violin.*
Lydia: I want an ice cream.
Alex: magic word?
Lydia:
Lydia: *Starts chanting in latin.*
Lydia: You know that little voice in your head telling you not to do stupid shit?
Scarlett: Yeah..?
Lydia: WELL, i'm that OTHER little voice. The one going 'do iiiiiiiiiiiiit. do it do it do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit'
Sunny: why do we never see uncle eric?
Scarlett: Because we hate him, dear.
Sunny: We don't talk enough about how good mom is at tucking folks in. Nine years, and no monsters have gotten me yet.
Sunny and Lydia: *Arguing.*
Gina: Kids these days screaming in public for no reason.
Alex: We should be the ones screaming.
Sunny: *petting rabbit.* tell me your secrets my child.
Alex: I honestly feel like you'd be good parents.
Gina: we'll go to jail if we gave our own children sips of our wine.
Alex: what?
Gina: what?
Lydia: Happy valentines day to my one true love...
Lydia: my ART SUPPLIES.
Sunny: ... all that... FOR SOME STATIONARY?!
Lydia: ACE IN THE HOLE, BITCH!
Scarlett: *Talking to toddler Lydia.* Nine fucking months, and you come out as a carbon copy of your father.
Scarlett: which one of us is the fun parent?
Alex: i actually don't know.
Scarlett: You're pretty easygoing about not doing homework and stuff like that, and I'm not...
Alex: ...but, you let them get off scott-free when they retaliate with violence, and I tell them to just tell teachers.
Lydia: Gimme.
Alex: Give you what?
Lydia: Gimme.
Alex: Give you what?
Lydia: GIMME.
Alex: GIVE YOU WHAT?
Lydia: Attention.
Sunny: Guys are hot.
Gina: Girls are hot.
MK: Why is everyone hot?
Lydia: *Turns on presentation about global warming.*
Lydia: Can you form a sentence without using the letter E?
Scarlett: No, I can't. Wait, I just did. What do you know? Huh, I just did it again. This isn't as hard as I thought. Actually, it isn't difficult at all.
Alex: But, what do your aunts always say when something goes wrong?
Lydia: ...
*Flashback*
Lydia: *Fell out of a big-ass tree and hurt her arm.*
MK and Gina: DON'T TELL YOUR DAD!!
*Flash forward.*
Alex: they WHAT-
Sunny: *Showing his Animal Crossing island.* Mom, you have to keep looking.
Scarlett: *Has been watching for fifteen minutes.* Sorry, sorry.
Sunny: So, that's the Able Sisters, their parents died and one of them ran away to the city and denounced the family name...
MK: So, how'd you come out to your folks?
Lydia: Drew a golf course in blue, white and yellow and titled it 'Ace in the Hole.' then left it on their bed.
MK: Finally a child to be proud of.
Scarlett: who wants to watch the show your dad and I met on?
Lydia and Sunny: yayyyyyyyyyyyy!
Alex: We're skipping episode ten!
Lydia and Sunny: whyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Sunny: Do you get mad that I don't go by my birth name?
Scarlett: I came up with your birth name within three seconds, if it took you longer than that to decide you wanted to go by Sunny I'm in no place to disagree.
*Sprinting around the living room.*
Lydia: *Hurtling over furniture.* Hey, the truth is you just gotta drink more milk!
Sunny: *Chasing her with a dictionary and a random pillow.* I'M FOUR-SEVEN, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Gina: You know if you wear this costume a lot of creeps are gonna comment, right?
Lydia: That's why I'm wearing my steel capped boots instead of the heels.
*At Disney.*
Sunny: *Holds up Rapunzel dress.* Can I get this?
Alex: No.
Sunny: Why?
Alex: Looks hard to clean. A tiara would be more practical. They have some Rapunzel ones, c'mon.
Scarlett: Stop calling me Scarlett.
Lydia: Dad calls you Scarlett.
Scarlett: Your father calls me a lot of things I wouldn't want my children to.
Alex: *Chokes on coffee.*
Sunny: *Spraying hairspray onto lydia who's lying on the ground.*
Scarlett: *Walks in.* What do you guys- What are you doing?
Sunny: ...
Lydia: *Sits up with all her hair sticking directly up.* I am god.
Young Lydia: What's a bastard?
MK: Kid who's parents weren't married when they were born.
Young Lydia: Huh.
*Later*
Scarlett: *Picking up Lydia from Gina and MK's place.* So, how was your day?
Young Lydia: Good. MK taught me I'm a bastard.
Scarlett: Oh did she?
MK: Scar, I swear on Kim Walker's grave it's not what you think.
Scarlett: *Talking to Lydia.* Go wait in the car, sweetie.
Alex: My son just wrote a song called 'I just wanna eat bread now'
Alex: I knew his talents would surpass mine, but not so SOON.
Scarlett: You know you were unpopular in your younger years when your fourteen year old, aroace daughter has kissed more people than you.
Lydia screaming from the bathroom as she chugs mouthwash: PEOPLE TASTE LIKE SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK?
Sunny: Mom, can I have another sibling?
Scarlett: Sunny, darling, I love you, so I'm not going to make you the middle child, and that is worth more than any younger sibling.
Lydia: So, you named Sunny, and dad named me, right?
Scarlett: Correct.
Lydia: So, what would you have named me?
Scarlett: Lexie. Or Alethea.
Lydia: ...sounds kinda like dad's name.
Scarlett:
Lydia:
*Later*
Scarlett: *Talking to Alex.* and then she called me a simp.
*Texting.*
Lydia: A girl's asking for my star sign, what the fuck do I do?
Alex: Tell her you're a Sagittarius
