(My ships from the TD reboot.)
Damien, talking about Nichelle: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID "OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD" AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.
Julia: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.
MK: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.
Bowie: Goodnight to the love of my life, Raj, and fuck the rest of y'all.
Bowie: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Raj: In a dating type of way, or an vote you off type of way?
Bowie: I don't know, surprise me!
Nichelle: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Julia: We're chopsticks!
Nichelle: Well... that's cute!
Nichelle: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
MK: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
Julia: MK kissed me!
Raj: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Julia: It was unbelievable!
Raj: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Bowie: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Raj, get the wine and unplug the phone. Julia, does this end well or do we need tissues?
Julia: Oh, it ended very well.
Raj: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Bowie: Okay, alright, let's hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
Julia: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Bowie: Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?
Julia: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Raj and Bowie: Ohhh.
*meanwhile*
MK eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.
Nichelle: Tongue?
MK: Yeah.
Damien: Cool.
Nichelle: Talk dirty to me~
Damien: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.
Nichelle: Wha-
Damien: The economy is in shambles.
Bowie: The closet is glass.
Julia: *Grabs MK.* What closet, bitch?
Raj: Are you ready to commit?
Bowie: Like, a crime or a relationship?
Raj: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter "s".
Bowie: *looks over at Julia and MK*
Bowie: Is it "sexual tension"?
Bowie: I asked Raj out.
Julia: Oh, I'm sorry.
Bowie: Why?
Julia: Well, I assume they said no.
Bowie: No, they said yes.
Julia: Really? Then I'm sorry for them.
Julia: Do you love Damien?
Nichelle: Yeah, I do.
Julia: Bowie! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!
Bowie: We all love Damien. You should've asked if they were IN love with them.
Nichelle: I thought that was implied.
Bowie: ...
Julia: ...
Nichelle, looking straight at Bowie: Congrats Julia, you just won 100 bucks.
Bowie: I know you love them.
MK: I am not in love with Julia!
Bowie, staring at MK: I never said who...
MK: *realizes*
MK: Shit. Well, anyways-
Wayne: So... I've seen you've been spending a lot of time with Bowie recently.
Raj: No, Wayne, it's not what it looks like, I swear.
Wayne: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Raj: No! You're the only one for me.
Wayne: Is that so?
Raj: I promise! Bowie and I are just dating, okay? They're my partner.
Wayne: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Raj: You are still my one and only best friend! They're just the love of my life, nothing more!
Wayne: But I'm still the platonic love of your life, right?
Raj: Of course bro!
Wayne: Bro...
Bowie: What the-
