Until The Whole World Hears?

Chapter: 8: Bearing

                                                                             I’m stuck in third hour with James next to me, that’s what our assigned seats are and we weren’t allowed to move after choosing them. I could feel his eyes on me though, which aggravated me, and made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to focus on my work, but the longer I was stuck here the more the anger inside me grew stronger. I thought about yelling at him to stop looking at me, even throwing a punch for what he did to me. I had to get out of here I thought. It’s been half an hour now and I’ve only answered two questions, because every minute I kept replaying what happened. I couldn’t stand it any longer my anger is just balling up inside with no way of releasing it … Tears gathered in my eyes and begin to blur my vision and fell on both of my cheeks. There was no holding them back now once they came … no pain is greater then what I’m feeling right now. Tears begin to wet my quiz paper, and when I tried whipping them off it smeared all over. The bell rung and I grabbed my things and handed my paper to my teacher, I could tell he saw my face, but I proceeded to leave.

“Ava, are you alright?” He asked, concern, but I walked out anyway.

                                                                              I went to lunch with dry, but puffy eyes. I waited in line for lunch as usually and I could tell the today’s gossip is about me. People giving me a look of mercy and others with smirks, they probably think I deserve this. This pain I feel now, I wouldn’t even wish on my worse enemy, it’s like someone has ripped, beaten, bit, spit, and sliced my heart and placed it back inside of me. Everyone so badly wants to know what happened, but I won’t say a thing.

                                                           When I grab lunch, I sit at my table with my friends and I know their dying to know, but I don’t think I can find the courage in me.

“Oh, Ava.” Say’s Vivia with the most depressing tone.

“What happened?! Everyone’s saying good girl has gone bad when you blew up on James.”

“Let them talk.” I say in a lifeless tone, I honestly didn’t care.

“Tell us.” Vivia says, with sympathetic eyes.

“Heather and I were talking--.”

“Ugh! Can’t stand her.” Courtney says interrupting me.

“Shh!” Vivia says.

“Continue.” She adds.

“We were talking … And she to—old.” My voice has failed me, and I get a lump in my throat.

People slow down to stare, and Courtney snaps on them.

“This isn’t some soap opera, get a move on!” She says.

                                                           They both came to my side and embrace me, even though more eyes are watching now. I take a deep breath in and to tell them.

“She told me that James has been cheating on me with her.” I sob out.

“Oh, gosh!” Courtney exclaims.

“Shh!” Vivia says again.

“What else?”

“That it has been going on for a while … and that she’s having his baby.”

“What a slu--.”

“Stop that!” Vivia says cutting Courtney off.

“I’m sorry! I just hate seeing a friend all torn up like this. Don’t you?”

“Of course …” She says.

“But talking like that doesn’t make things better.” She continues.

“Are you going to be ok?” She asks.

“I honestly don’t know…” I say, I felt all hallow inside like a missing piece to a puzzle.

                                                               **

                                                                                   I was happy to be home … where I can

curl up under the sheets and let myself go. I took note that today was Monday … this is going to be a long week, I thought. What did I do to be worthy of this one God? My love for James will never go away; it’ll always be there no matter how much I despise him. Whenever I looked in to those light brown eyes they were always gentle, affectionate, polite, and patient and the way he performed towards me seem so true. Then the dark, harmful, lies came into the light and that's what he was … that is what he is. It was so surreal that he himself said it when I caught him in his mischief. I rather not live so that this pain won’t feed off of me, not another second, and not another day. But I believe that life has so much to offer then the pain that I will go through.