Until The Whole World Hears?

Chapter: 19: What I've Been Waiting For

                                           Ava’s POV:

          “Vivia … We don’t lie to each other.” I say reaching out to her to hold her arm. She pulled her arm away, which made me more worried.

          “Ava, come on, you know that it’s …. My month …”

          “Oh … Right. Sorry. Face palm.” I say, embarrassingly.

          We both laugh as we walk to class together.

          “Umm … I talked to Courtney yesterday.” I say, after thinking of what to say to move the elephant in between us.

          “Oh?” Vivia says.

          “Yeah … She called me to come over saying that we needed to speak in person-- and she explained to me why she wanted to end our friendship.”

          “What?! Why?” Vivia says shockingly.

          “I guess she didn’t think we had anything in common other then I was the first person to be her friend here and that was kind to her…” I say summing everything up.

          “And that wasn’t enough?” Vivia ask, saddened.

          “Guess not.” I say, shrugging it off.

         We’re now at the door to our first hour, and we see Courtney sitting next to Michael. He has his arm wrapped around her shoulder and they both have a genuine smile upon their faces. There were plenty of times when I had been actually happy, but those days now felt like the same time they came related to the time they left. Seeing her now only reminded me of the time are friendship ended, and that’s how I will sadly always see her when I look at her. Her hurtful words stay in my head floating around and about …

 

          “I don’t want to worship your God, I don’t even believe in him, exactly why we should not be friends Ava. Don’t you get it? God can’t save you from the bad things that this world will bring! Wasn’t James enough evidence for you?!”

          I was quickly snapped right out of my flashback when I hear a male voice calling my name. When I recognized that voice a sea of overwhelming feels fled thought my body, something that I wanted to hear dearly, but then again knew it wasn’t good for me, like poison.

         “Ava.” The voice called again.

          I turned my head and I see James jogging towards me down the hall. He is now in front of me and by his face expression I could see pain and strong remorse. His eyes and lips were shaky and he blinked each time sweat was dripping down in them.

          He’s wearing a red v-neck t-shirt that’s stained with his sweat and sticked to his flat chest and stomach. His hair slightly damped with sweat as well running down his side burns. He sounds out of breath; but he still attempts to get out whatever he came over here to say. He bent down putting his palms on his knees to take a quick breath and he stood straight up again.

          “James? … What’s going on? What happened?” I say, before he begins to speak again. I was able to put aside are past and just focus on the present, I didn’t even allow my mind to go into that moment. Not here and not now.

          “Oh, Ava I’m so, so sorry-- I loved you I really did--.”

          “James.” I say, wanting to stop him there, I knew what this was going to be about, just by that first sentence. It wasn’t a good time, and plus everyone around us stopped to stare.

          “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know I should have told you this before--.”

          “James.” I repeat, struggling to get his attention.

          “I should have told you that I had a sex addiction. The truth is you’re the only person that has shown me what true love is. You taught me how to not use women as objects but as my partner the person I learn on to when I am weak. Someone that I Love so much that I am willing to die for them, to drop everything that is important to me for them, and to gain their trust and respect them for who they are and what they’re worth. For so long I kept lying and disappointing God by giving into my flesh and by doing that I was only saving my seat in hell. And when I went to church I was only fooling the people around me, but I didn’t fool God. In fact I did so poorly fooling him that at the end I was punished for my sin.

          “Each day and night I kept asking God for forgiveness even though I knew he wouldn’t take away my punishment on earth, he did in the spiritual world. I tried getting rid of my punishment on earth, but that only made it worse. I was fooled into believing that Heather was still pregnant with my baby for so long, that I was preparing to love and to cherish that child that was soon to come. I would make sure that he wouldn’t live the life that I did and even better. But only to find out that she had taken our child’s life all along to keep me under her grip, only if she knew I wouldn’t have left her side if she just had kept it.

          “You must be thinking that now I am a free man and that God has taken away my punishment on earth?”

          He says turning around to face everyone that’s watching us now, raising his arms and then back down again It seems that a lot more students are watching us then before. I turn to see students from my first hour standing in the door way peering out into the hallway glaring at us in the center. That made a chill go down my spine, and I could feel my face growing red.

          “No … It didn’t.” He said turning back to look me straight in the eyes.

          “I am grieving, at my lost even if I wasn’t ready for him … Or her, it would mean the world to me if I could just have watch them grow and see what they would have turned out to be and be a part of it all … That I would have cherished the most.” He takes a step closer to me and takes both of my hands into his; he gets on one knee and says:

           “Ava, I don’t know if you have found it in your heart to forgive me, but will you please take me back-- As A friend I mean … Maybe if I work my way, I can be your man again?” He says, while on his knees pleadingly.