Rose Thorns & Love Letters

33 ➪ Love, Gale

•Camilla•

1879
Darling, you flatter me with your affectionate words and swoon-worthy messages. I too hope we can see one another soon.
Love, Gale

_________________

I think I am falling in love with Phoenix. Scratch that, I know I am falling in love with Phoenix. Falling because I am not sure that I will ever stop. Falling for him feels like I have been pushed into an endless void that has no means of coming to an abrupt end.

It feels like I have been pushed into a deep end that I am more than willing to embrace. Being with him almost makes up for the comfort and love I so desperately needed from my parents. No romantic love can ever properly make up for parental love, but it feels close enough.

I have never been in love. I have no idea what it feels like. But I like to think that I have read enough about it to see the clear signs. I feel empty whenever he is not around but I am instantly content whenever he is. I trust him enough to tell him about my past—especially my father—without feeling judged.

Hell, I am even willing to give up the taste of a warm pretzel just to eat beside him.

I may not know much, but I am pretty sure that equates to falling in love with someone. Again, my knowledge is limited, but if I know anything, I'd say that he is falling for me too.

Never in my 19–very soon 20–years of life has anybody ever considered my wellbeing so much that they willingly take me to therapy twice a week and cover the expenses.

I mean, who does that? A parent, maybe. But a friend? I am still unsure as to what Phoenix and I's label is. He has not yet asked to advance our relationship or even make it exclusive.

I suppose that is the only thing that is stopping me from telling him how I feel. How can I be falling in love with someone who is technically just a friend? Sure, it is possible, but I always imagined my first love to be more...idyllic. More picturesque, more fairy-tale.

But then again, Phoenix is nothing from a fairy-tale. Fairy-tales are perfect. Phoenix is anything but. He has stories that adorn his face in the form of scars and he has tattoos that once bled so he could feel again.

Phoenix is hungry for the feeling of an empty stomach and his biggest challenge is holding a fully functional conversation. He is abrupt and he can be protective. He gets more nervous than I do and the one thing that seems to calm him down is the feel of the fabric I use to clothe myself.

Phoenix is a gorgeous and imperfect man. And I am falling in love with every single piece of him.

"Hey, so what are you doing for your birthday?" Joel asks before chugging the soda he just got from the vending machine.

Before I am able to utter a response, Joel rubs his chest and a low but long burp emits from his throat. He whispers a quick apology and gives me the floor to speak.

Aisha's jaw hangs low and her body leans forward into the table, no longer allowing Joels arm to be draped around her. Oh right, they're back together.

She slightly wriggles her chair in the opposite direction from where Joel's is and this action earns a small snicker from Melanie who is currently watching her phone ring and refusing to answer her parents' call. I would say that I'm surprised, but I'm really not.