The steady rumbling of Jazz's purring was usually the most soothing thing in the world. Tonight it simply grated on my nerves, putting me even more on edge as I sat on my bed going through my father's files. Jazz's tail swished, knocking into a folder and scattering paper across the comforter.
"Okay, that's it. I love you, but you have to go." I scooped him up, and he laid his massive paws on my shoulder, kneading me through the jacket I still wore. "How about a treat and some music?"
I carried Jazz to the kitchen and took out a can of wet food. He wound around my ankles, meowing at me so loudly it made me laugh. I sat his bowl down and turned on the TV. Soft, quiet music played as I turned off the lights, leaving only the soft glow of the nightlights I'd installed in case Jazz ever got afraid of the dark.
Yeah, that was stupid as hell. My friends pointed that out to me plenty of times, assuring me he could see in the dark, but it still made me feel better to know the lights were there for him.
I gave him a few long, firm pets, and his purring grew. Smiling, I batted his tail back and forth until I knew I couldn't procrastinate anymore. I stood up and sighed.
"Okay, no going back. I need to go through those files. Be good, J."
He ignored me as he pigged out on his food. That rapidly growing ache was back in my chest. I rubbed at it, trying to erase the oncoming bout of loneliness that used to lead to another bender. Jazz was amazing; he kept me alive. But sometimes it felt like I was still missing something.
I don't have time to ponder my depressing life.
I settled back in on the bed and returned to searching the files. There was a lot more information than I thought. Small things; hangouts, known associates, history. Most of it was probably useless, but I was praying for a needle in a haystack.
My phone buzzed, and I snatched it up.
"Yo," Jennie said, her voice heavy. "Good to know you're not dead. I might have checked your security cameras when you got home."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"Are you okay?"
"No," I said truthfully. "A line of coke never sounded so good in my life."
"Don't do it," she said softly. "I know it's hard when things go upside down, but you know where it'll send you. Besides, you don't want to lose your job and have to start all over. Should I come over?"
I smiled at Jennie's concern. We were old friends for a reason. She was one of the few people who knew all my dirty little secrets, and I knew hers. Whenever I was about to slip up, Jennie was the first person I called to keep me sober.
"Wonwoo?"
"I don't know. Maybe you could—" My fingers slipped over the papers on my bed, and I paused. I sifted through them until I uncovered a familiar face. "Woah."
"Woah what?" she asked. "Wonwoo?"
"Nothing," I said quickly. I searched the page. Lee Sungjae. Mingyu's former lover. My stomach twisted into a tight knot. "I think I'm okay for tonight," I told Jennie. "I need to sleep if I'm going to figure this out tomorrow."
"Figure out what?"
"Who the fuck I'm dealing with."
* * *
I knocked on the door again, peeling green paint sticking to my knuckles. Rubbing my fist against my jeans, I froze when the door cracked open half an inch. An eye looked me up and down, and the smell of cigarette smoke wafted into my face.
