Chaos was an endless pool that I waded in, unable to escape. Darkness closed in around me, and my limbs grew heavier with every movement. The pain didn't register, only the ache in the middle of my chest.
"Fuck, it smells like bleach in here." Soonyoung's voice echoed through the constant fog that surrounded me.
I continued to scrub the grooves between the tiles. My fingers had gone pruny, and I barely resisted the urge to cut the pads of my fingers off.
"Mingyu," Soonyoung called.
I didn't look up from what I was doing. If I continued to clean and move, then reality stayed far away. I could hold the little control I had over myself.
A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, and I went stiff. My stomach rolled. The tiny voice in the back of my head screamed for it to be removed.
"You have to stop this. If you aren't out there looking for him, you're in here cleaning." Soonyoung's hold tightened as he tried to pull me up. "Shit, Mingyu, this isn't good. When was the last time you slept?"
Sleep?
I couldn't anymore. All I ever thought about was Wonwoo. When I closed my eyes, I could see his big blue eyes glaring back at me. I could hear his soft laughter or the way he moaned when he was eating my cooking. No sleep for me; it only made the ache worse.
"Mingyu!"
I stopped and sat up on my knees. Blinking, I looked up at my brother. My gaze stayed focused for a short second before I noticed the stack of books on the kitchen table. Standing up, I moved toward them and removed them from one surface over to the living room. Books were scattered everywhere, half on the shelf and the others in varying piles.
Bile burned the back of my throat as I stared at the cluttered mess.
How have I forgotten to finish this?
"Shit, Mingyu. I've never seen the place like this. You have to get out of here."
"He might come back," I said. It was my answer every time after searching for him for three days straight. Wonwoo hadn't been at his place or his family home. I'd even gotten information on his partner but nothing.
If it wasn't for Soonyoung, I would have walked directly into the precinct.
Soonyoung growled. "You have to get your head together. Seokmin is only going to let so much slide."
I don't care.
"You either come willingly, or we can do it like old times."
Soonyoung cracked his knuckles, and I stared at his hands. They were just as bloody as mine.
I sighed and placed the books down. "Where are we going?" I had no desire to be tied up and tossed in the trunk. I wasn't sixteen anymore. That shit wasn't funny. Knowing Soonyoung, he'd drive around for a few extra hours just to make me suffer. This fucker has some wires ditached from his brains.
"Seokmin called for us."
The bruises on my body were a testament to how angry my brother was with me, but I'd given him the same share of bruises. There was no way he was okay with how I'd defended Wonwoo.
"Come on, stop thinking so damn hard. You know how Seokmin is. This is business."
I nodded and headed for the door, but Soonyoung stopped me.
"Shower and fresh clothes. Shit, if I didn't know you, I'd think you were in love, and now your heart's broken." Soonyoung started laughing as if it was the most absurd notion. and Maybe at one time, it had been.
