Doors open.

You shouldnt.

The ache in my chest was a physical sensation, like a sharp knife twisting in my ribcage, as I struggled to find my voice.

"How could you say that?" I managed to stammer, my voice barely above a whisper.

The words felt like a betrayal, a betrayal of the trust, the love, the memories we had built together. His eyes, once bright and full of life, now seemed dull and distant, like a stranger's gaze. And yet, I still saw something there, especially after everything he just admitted to me.

"You didn't answer the question, yn." He whispered into such a dark part of my mind.

Frozen.

I was frozen.

Of course I loved him. He was... Merlin he was everything. But when I looked at that painfully beautiful face, who I saw staring back at me... he wasn't who I wanted to see.

I no longer saw the happy memories. I only saw his words, his actions, my own fucked up thoughts. Because of him.

"Of course I do, Matt. I just-" my words were getting trapped in my throat.

"Yn." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

"I'm not inlove with you anymore," I took a deep breath to try to relieve the sob bulging in my throat, "but I do love you, Mattheo."

I didn't want too, but I felt like I was saying goodbye to the only life I had ever known, to the love and happiness that had once been mine.

As I spoke, I could feel the weight of my heart breaking, the cracks spreading through the remaining foundation of our broken relationship. It was like watching a beautiful monument crumble to dust, leaving nothing but ruins behind.

I looked at him, and for a moment, I saw the pain and regret etched on his face. It was like he was seeing the destruction he had wrought, and it was too late to stop it.

He truly couldn't have expected me to stay foolishly inlove with him, through everything he put me through. Especially my birthday.. I'm going to be sick.

Warning or not, his actions were completely unjustified. Too far. Too much.

I loved him. And I would love him until the day I died, but I wasn't in-love with him anymore... and he couldn't expect me to be.

"I don't think I'll ever forgive my self, for what I did to you." He couldn't even look me in the eye.

His voice was one I didn't recognize.

"Good." I huffed, "you shouldn't."

His head sunk between his shoulders, and I couldn't help but feel... bad.

Fuck.

"Matt," I inched closer, putting my hand on his shoulder, "I am terribly sorry, for everything you had to endure because of your father. Your father never deserved you, and you never deserved to be treated like a disposable, but I never deserved to be treated how you treated me." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Believe me, I wish I could take that pain from you, I would've-but you pushed me away. You did this... not me." I finished as I stood up, trying to collect my self.

"I am so fucking sorry yn," this time he spoke aloud, "I'm so sorry. I-"

"I know." I cut him off, before he continued. I couldn't hear his words. I couldn't fall for it. Not again, not right now.

I could see the regret and shame written across his face, and I felt a pang of compassion for him. But I also knew that I couldn't forgive him, not yet. Not after everything he had put me through.