Book 2 to The Summer of Love & Heartbreak. Go read that first.
She survived the night- or did she? She wakes up a changed person after she couldn't save Billy. How will she keep going on? Move on without him?
Her pain is like the wind; uncontrollab...
The broken mind loves to play tricks on the broken heart. Giving me false hope to something that isn't true. I know it isn't true, I watched the light die out of his eyes. Watched him choke on blood, trying to pull oxygen into his lungs. Felt his body grow limp while I held him. The devastating; soul crushing feeling that there was nothing I could do- nothing anyone could do.
He was just simply... Gone.
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I sigh, getting up and making my way to the bathroom to wash my face. Trying to undo the knots that are tethering me down. Maybe the cold water will chill out my overheating mind. Splashing the cold water on my cheeks, glancing up to see them flushed and my hair a mess. Just like Steve's is in the morning, except mine way worse and longer.
My heart sinks seeing that there is no ghost hiding behind me, none of those piercing blue eyes staring at me. Or that pearl smile, or the shit eating grin or those diabolic eyes. None of the humor, none of the fights, just nothing.
Shaking my head, I make my way back to my bed. Curling myself into my blanket- feeling a chill to my bone. I fall back asleep, swearing to myself; thinking I saw two haunted eyes staring at me as I fell back asleep.
The next day- nothing happens. It's the normal bustle of a Monday. Steve works, Mom works and Dad works. So I'm left to my own devices. Today is the first real day I'm left alone, with no one coming over to rescue me if I collapse the house on myself with another melt down. Before mom left, she brought up a cup of coffee and a bagel, sitting it down on my nightstand. She kissed my forehead and made her way out into the world. I eat it, in silence. Staring out the window, watching the world pass me by.
The entire I find myself sitting in front of the bathroom door, staring at the mirror and gazing at the empty spot on my bed. My heart begs to see him again, wails against my ribcage like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. My mind laughs at my heart- throwing profanity left and right. My mind and heart at a war, fighting over which way to go. Crawl in bed, cry and pine over Billy. Or- move on like a big girl, with the nice guy who kissed me yesterday. The feeling of his lips on mine, the softness.
So I sit here, staring at myself- sending myself back into the void of my mind. Back into the black room with water for floors. My grey sweats cuffed around my calves so they don't get wet as I walk through this room. Endlessly walking. The water is shockingly cold on my feet, but I keep moving. Where? Anywhere. Maybe I'll find Henry again or Billy. I haven't seen Henry since the night before I released that big amount of power. I wonder if I lost the piece that called him to me? Before I could just whine and he would show up like he was summoned and throw nice insults at me. I wonder where he is, and what he's up too and why he hasn't answered my calls.
I keep moving my feet, one after the other. For what feels like hours in just one direction before I finally start yelling into the void. "What am I suppose to do now?" "Why do I still have my powers and El doesn't?" "Why did they have to die?" "Why am I still here?" "Answer me!" I yell until my voice is hoarse, with no one answering. So I keep moving, walking through the shadows of my mind wishing someone would hold out a flashlight for me to follow.
