Peace In The Noise

You're Gonna Cut Yourself

A/N - So there's no confusion, the title is NOT a self harm reference, it's a reference to the Three Days Grace song 'Broken Glass' :)

After my run in with Oscar me, Ella and Marko decided to go back to Sweden. I spent most of my day in bed, only eating whatever small meals or snacks Marko brought me. He had however spent the day attempting to find evidence for the police, he was so determined to get Oscar put away it almost seemed like an obsession for him. The only relief I felt is that Marko's mum had said we could go and stay there for a while if we wanted, I was considering taking the opportunity but something was stopping me from saying yes and I don't know entirely what that was. My thoughts were interrupted by a brief knock on the bedroom door. ''Ev? Baby? Me and Ella are gonna order some chinese food and we wondered if you wanted anything?'' Marko said, peeking his head round the door. I shook my head and he sighed and came and sat on the bed. ''Darling, you have to eat something. You can't just have some toast all day.'' I shrugged, it's not that I wasn't hungry, I just couldn't be bothered to eat. ''I'm not hungry.'' I lied and he layed down with me and placed a small kiss on my cheek, but something felt wrong. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I felt empty as Marko layed next to me. It wasn't that I didn't love him, because I did, a lot but something was wrong.

''Darling?'' He asked and I sat up, and kissed him aggressively. ''Ev, I love you and, that, but don't you think it's a bad time for that?'' I didn't know what I wanted anymore. A part of me wanted Marko so badly, the other felt nothing. ''Why would it be?'' I said and he rubbed the back of his neck. ''Well, it's only been three days since...well, yknow.'' I sighed, he was right, but I still wanted him. I wanted to feel something, anything at all. ''Marko, I know what I want.'' I argued and he shook his head. ''I won't do it Ev, I respect you too much for that.'' I nodded. ''I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me.'' I replied and that's when it hit me. ''Marko, I can't do this anymore.'' I admitted and he looked at me worried. ''Can't do what?'' He asked and I began to tear up at what I was about to say. ''Us. I'm gonna ruin you, I am ruining you. You deserve better than me.'' I said, beginning to cry. Marko had tears in his eyes and he shook his head. ''No, no don't say that Ev, I'm not leaving you.'' I shook my head. ''If you stay, you're gonna end up broken just like me. I can't accept your help right now.'' He put his hand on me, but I shoved it away. ''Eva, you are not going to throw away nearly a year because of your ex. Please.'' Marko was actually crying at this point and it was killing me inside, but something told me that this was the right thing for me to do right now. ''I don't want to break up, but we're not good right now'' He shook his head. ''You're not throwing what we have away just for this? Please?'' He replied and I sighed. ''I don't want this, but it's what I need.'' I replied, tears making their way down my face. ''Please, I need you in my life Ev.'' I shook my head. ''I want you out of the house before 8, I can't do this anymore.'' I said and Marko sighed in defeat.

You can look at me as the villain all you want, but face it, I was ruining this man and his career. It was so hard watching him walk out of the house with all of his stuff, like we'd lived together for a whole year now and everything we had was packed up and gone. ''Oh Eva, he was a good one. Why did you let him go?'' I sighed as my sister wrapped her arm around me. ''I'm broken, I can't put him through this.'' I replied as I collapsed to the floor. I couldn't stop ruining people, I'm like glass in a way I suppose. I'm broken glass, and anyone who tries to pick me up and put me back together ends up cut and injured.