White Olive Tree

43 • Let Her Down

In the quiet corridor late at night, Song Lisa  lay in Li Jungkook ’s arms, her tears soaking the front of his camouflage uniform.

Li Jungkook ’s eyes were red, and he put his arm around her shoulders, lowered his head and whispered “I’m sorry” in her ear. He touched the back of her head and whispered comforting words in her ear.

Song Lisa ’s crying gradually subsided and She sniffled.

During the month when her mother was ill, she had been holding on, not wanting to show weakness in front of her mother. She even refused to wipe away her tears secretly in the middle of the night. Now that she saw Li Jungkook , the fear, sadness and helplessness that had been suppressed in her heart for a month were all vented out, as if she had emptied all her emotions.

After venting, she calmed down a lot and her expression became empty.

Li Jungkook  then asked: “What is the situation now?”

Song Lisa  looked at him with moist eyes, still in a daze, unable to recover.

At the side, He Shanran said: “Because of bacterial infection, she was put on an artificial lung. Once the bacteria are killed, there will be no problem. But I can’t say when exactly.”

Li Jungkook  looked at him with a questioning look, but still nodded politely.

He was obviously a doctor, but he was too young to be an oncologist.

Li Jungkook  asked: “You are…”

He Shanran: “Auntie Ran is a friend of my mother. I work here and came to visit.”

Li Jungkook  nodded again: “Thank you.”

“It’s my duty.” He Shanran looked at Song Lisa  and smiled, “Then I’ll leave first. Come to me if you have anything else.”

Song Lisa  said: “Thank you, Doctor He.”

After He Shanran left, Li Jungkook  looked down at Song Lisa , wiped the tears from her face, and then hugged her in his arms and touched her temples tightly.

At night, her uncle came to take over the guarding shift and asked Song Lisa  and Li Jungkook  to go home and rest first and come back tomorrow morning.

Li Jungkook  left Song Lisa  in the care of her uncle, visited the attending specialist first, and then took Song Lisa  back home.

Her aunt heated up the food, but Song Lisa  couldn’t eat anything. It was only after Li Jungkook  kept persuading her for a long time that she reluctantly ate a bowl of food.

Before going to bed at night, Song Lisa  secretly took antidepressants and sleeping pills in the bathroom of Ran Yuwei’s bedroom. She had been losing control of her emotions again and had severe insomnia.

She returned to her room, climbed onto the bed and hugged Li Jungkook  tightly, like a helpless child hugging the adult who could give her a sense of security.

Li Jungkook  knew that she hadn’t slept well this month, so he patted her back gently and coaxed her to sleep.

But she couldn’t sleep, her eyes were wide open and she was just in a daze.

He then tried to get her to chat: “What are you thinking about?”

She was silent for a long time and said, “I’m afraid something will happen to her, then I won’t have a mother anymore.”

Li Jungkook  said: “Don’t scare yourself before the results are too late. Your mother’s treatment team is the best, and the targeted drugs they use are also the best. It was just an accidental infection during the treatment. If you can get through this, the chances of recovery are very high.”

She raised her eyes and said, “But what if, by some chance, I don’t make it?”

“The chances are slim.”

“What if?” she asked stubbornly.

Li Jungkook  was silent for a moment, then said, “Then we have no choice but to say goodbye.”

Song Lisa  took a breath and choked: “I don’t want to be separated from her yet.”

“I know.” He moved closer and brushed his lips against her eyes.

“A-Jungkook , do you miss your mother?”

“Yes, but I’m used to it.” Li Jungkook  said, “My father thought I was too young to remember anything. But I actually remember it.

I remember the morning of her death. It was an autumn day. The leaves outside the window were all yellow and the sun was shining brightly. She was very beautiful and smiling. She touched my head and said, “My A-Jungkook  is still so young.” At that time, she was laughing and crying at the same time. I didn’t understand why she was crying, so I climbed onto the bed and wiped her tears. Later, she disappeared.

“And then, how will life be different after that?”

“It’s not much different, except that my heart aches when I think about it. I feel really sorry when I get the results and the recognition. I wish she could see it.

Sometimes when I am alone and feel hard, I wish she were here, so I can lose my temper or even cry. With her, I am still a child; without her, I am an adult. “

But, he has been an adult for twenty years and is used to it.

Song Lisa  was very sad, but also calmed down a little. She buried her head in his arms.

The worst possible scenario is that there will always be a void in her heart. But she still hopes for a miracle.

As for this moment, having him by her side, giving her strength and allowing her not to face all this alone, is the greatest comfort.

That night, the two chatted casually, and Song Lisa ’s sleeping pills took effect, and she finally fell asleep early, which was rare. But she still had many tired dreams.

Li Jungkook , like he had done for the past few dozen days, could not sleep well.

Recently, that family began to appear frequently in his dreams again. They were still standing side by side in the void, their faces were pale, and only those big black hole-like eyes stared at him, staring at him expressionlessly.

When Li Jungkook  woke up in the middle of the night, Song Lisa  beside him was frowning slightly in her sleep. He stroked her brow with his fingers, and suddenly felt full of guilt, but he didn’t know how to tell her now.

In the past two months of actual combat, he had not encountered bomb disposal, but assault and blasting missions; and in the past month of training, he had encountered bomb disposal, but he knew it was fake. He went out as a demolition soldier, not a bomb disposal soldier. It’s just that blasting missions are more dangerous in some ways.

He was In a state of confusion and could not sleep until dawn when he finally fell into a drowsy sleep.

The next morning, the phone rang and woke them up.

Song Lisa  reached for the phone and found it was her uncle. She turned pale for a moment and didn’t dare to answer it, so she forced the call to Li Jungkook .

Li Jungkook ’s face was also solemn, but he quickly answered the phone: “Hello, uncle?”

There was a long string of chatter over there, and Li Jungkook  looked at Song Lisa , who had a nervous expression on her face.

“Okay. We’ll be there right away.” Li Jungkook  put down his phone and said quickly, “Your mother is out of danger.”

…

The two rushed to the hospital, where the doctor said the infected bacteria had been completely eliminated. Although the patient was still weak, he was no longer in danger of death. After a period of good care and continued targeted treatment, the situation would improve.

The doctor said: "The most difficu”t time is over.”

Her uncle was so excited that his eyes were filled with tears. Li Jungkook  comforted him for a long time before persuading him to go back and rest and replenish his strength.

Song Lisa  had to stay in the hospital and wait for her mother to wake up.

Li Jungkook  accompanied her. Because he came in a hurry and didn’t bring anything, he went out today wearing Ran Chi’s white T-shirt and jeans.

At noon, Ran Yuwei woke up. It was inconvenient to visit, so Li Jungkook  and Song Lisa  just stood outside the ICU ward and watched from afar. Song Lisa  even waved to Ran Yuwei.

That night, Song Lisa  finally had a good sleep.

But Li Jungkook  was not very peaceful. He made frequent calls before going to bed and was always on his cell phone.

Song Lisa  said, “Isn’t it time for you to leave for the East Country too?”

“Yes.” Li Jungkook  said, “There are still four or five days. Because of the special situation, I asked the team for a longer leave.”

“Go with peace of mind.” Song Lisa  said, “I’m fine here.”

Li Jungkook  smiled and said nothing.

She suddenly asked again: “By the way, tell me your number. If my mother’s condition stabilizes, I can still find you when I go to the East Country.”

“……good.”

…

After her condition stabilized, Ran Yuwei was transferred to a general ward and began recuperation. Her uncle and his family also left the Imperial City.

Song Lisa  stayed in the hospital all day.

When she was ill, Ran Yuwei was much weaker than usual. It was only because of her poor health that her temper was bad and she often got angry. Song Lisa  was concerned that she was a patient and let her go.

That day, Ran Yuwei complained that the food from the hospital cafeteria was not tasty, so Song Lisa  went home to cook for her. Li Jungkook  was the only one guarding the ward.

Li Jungkook  thought Ran Yuwei was sleeping, so he took a book and started reading.

Halfway through, he heard Ran Yuwei say, “Lisa said, you still want to take the postgraduate entrance examination or something?”

Li Jungkook  looked up and saw Ran Yuwei lying on the hospital bed, looking at him calmly.

“There is such a plan, but it should be next year.”

Ran Yuwei calculated the time in her mind.

“Auntie.” He put down the book and prepared to stand up, “Would you like some water?”

“Not now. Sit down. I’ll talk to you for a minute.”

Li Jungkook  sat down and said, “Hey. Go ahead.”

“What do you like about Lisa?” Ran Yuwei asked.

Li Jungkook  was stunned for a moment, then slowly said, “I haven’t thought about it. It’s just that I really like being with her.”

When she is happy, he is happy too; when she is sad, he feels pain in his heart. It is uncontrollable.

“There has to be some specific reason.”

“She’s really nice. She’s nice in every way.”

Ran Yuwei: “I think she has a lot of problems. She is too fragile and sensitive. And sometimes she has an inexplicable temper and is very stubborn.”

Li Jungkook  touched his head and said, “I think everything is fine.”

Ran Yuwei asked: “What if you feel bad in the future?”

Li Jungkook  smiled with relief: “Everyone has shortcomings. Personality also has two sides. The other side of weakness may be soft-heartedness and kindness. The other side of strength may be indifference. There are so many kinds of personalities in this world, but no one personality is perfect in all situations.”

Ran Yu was silent for a moment, then asked, “Since every personality has good and bad sides, what do you think makes you tolerate the other side of her personality?”

Lee Chan said, “I like her very much. Very much.”

Ran Yuwei was surprised. She thought he would answer with arguments like “the goals are similar and the world views are similar”.

Never mind. There was no need for that. She could see that.

In today’s society, it’s hard to pick out a pure, simple, kind and honest person, but these two are both. How can they not fall in love when they meet? They are just like two similar people in the vast sea of people.

Before she could speak, Li Jungkook  smiled gently and said, “Auntie, I know what you want to say. I won’t let Lisa down.”

Ran Yuwei stopped asking questions and after a while, she asked, “Lisa said you were going to the peacekeeping mission?”

This time, his expression calmed down a little: “… Yeah.”

“Six months?”

“……Um.”

“What operation is six months? If I am not sick and confused, our country’s peacekeeping operations usually last eight months.”

“…” Li Jungkook  was about to organize his words, but Ran Yu raised her hand slightly to indicate that it was not necessary.

She also didn’t want to embarrass the child by lying.

Military orders are as heavy as mountains.

If you are carrying out a special mission, it is impossible to tell the truth to anyone, even your closest relatives.

She only asked: “Is it dangerous?”

“It’s OK…” Seeing her burning gaze, he added, “A little bit.”

She asked again: “Can you come to the Imperial City next year?”

Li Jungkook  didn’t expect her to be so insightful. He nodded and added, “It’s not entirely about this.”

“Just go to ‘peacekeeping’.” Ran Yuwei said. Thinking of Song Lisa ’s worsening depression, she couldn’t help but feel anxious, and said, “I’m sick, she should stay in China for a while. You can tell her this first. She’s been feeling a bit fragile recently.”

When people are emotionally unstable, they tend to lose their rationality when stimulated.

Li Jungkook  finally said, “Thank you, Auntie.”

Ran Yu sighed: “Pour me a glass of water.”

“Eh.”

…

A few days later, Li Jungkook  set off for Gama.

He had a flight at noon, so Song Lisa  got up early in the morning to make breakfast for him. She cooked white rice porridge, steamed a tray of steamed buns, and fried two eggs.

She had no appetite to eat and just sat there staring at him.

Li Jungkook  felt bitter and said, “I’ll call you when I get a chance.”

Song Lisa  nodded and said, “It doesn’t matter. The main thing is to pay attention to safety.”

“Um.”

As he was talking, Li Jungkook ’s cell phone rang. He took a look and said, “I’ll go answer the call.”

He went into the bedroom with his phone.

At this time, Song Lisa ’s phone rang. It was the Propaganda Department of Jiangcheng Military Region.

The colonel interviewed in one episode of “Our Flag” is from Jiangcheng Military Region, and the audience response was good after the broadcast. This time, the military region is going to make a documentary about outstanding model soldiers, and hopes to invite Song Lisa  to help plan it.

Song Lisa  apologized and said that her mother was sick and she couldn’t leave for the time being.

The other party expressed understanding and condolences, and said that he hoped to have the opportunity to cooperate next time.

Song Lisa  smiled and said that after a few months when she went to the East Country, she might be able to interview the peacekeeping soldiers of the Jiangcheng Military Region.

“That’s fine too.” The other party said enthusiastically, “Do you know what the designation of our military region is?”

“I know.” Song Lisa  said.

“It seems that reporter Song is well-informed.”

“My boyfriend is here,” she said.

“yes?”

“Li Jungkook .”

“Li Jungkook ?” The other party hesitated.

Song Lisa  noticed something was wrong: “What’s wrong?”

“Li Jungkook  went abroad for treatment due to his injuries and took a long vacation. It’s impossible for him to go to the peacekeeping mission. He wouldn’t pass the psychological assessment.”

Song Lisa  was stunned. She wanted to ask if he had made a mistake, but she was afraid of saying something wrong and causing trouble for Li Jungkook , so he hurriedly said, “Ah, I made a mistake. I thought you said last year…”

“Is that so?” The other party smiled warmly.

Song Lisa  put away her phone and sat back at the dining table. She heard the faint sound of someone speaking English in the bedroom, and she became more and more confused and uneasy.

Not long after, Li Jungkook  came out and picked up the spoon to drink porridge again.

Song Lisa  looked at him for a while, then suddenly asked, “A-Jungkook , do you still have tinnitus?”

“Very rarely. Almost never. Why are you asking this all of a sudden?”

“I feel that I haven’t paid much attention to your physical condition during this period.”

He smiled faintly: “I’m fine.”

“Oh.” She pinched her fingers and asked, “Do you still want to go to the United States for treatment?”

“Need not.”

“You…” she finally asked, “Are you really going to…peacekeeping?”

Li Jungkook ’s heart sank and he looked up at her.

Song Lisa  looked flustered, but she would not confront anyone. She waved her hands and explained, “I didn’t investigate you. Our Flag just happened to give me feedback, so I asked. I will go to Dongguo when my mother’s condition stabilizes. I will interview you by the way, so I asked… maybe they made a mistake.”

Li Jungkook ’s mind went blank for a moment; he didn’t expect the accident to come so quickly.

He was silent for a moment.

Song Lisa  waited stubbornly for his answer.

“Lisa,” he said, “I’m not going to the East Country for peacekeeping.”

Song Lisa  didn’t understand: “What is that for?”

He met her gaze, unable to speak, looked away, then back again, and said, “Fight against extremist organizations.”

Song Lisa  was stunned, becoming even more confused, and said anxiously: “But our country does not go to war with any organization…” She suddenly understood, and her face turned pale in an instant, “You mean, you want to join the Cook Anti-Terrorist Forces, that kind?”

Li Jungkook  looked at her quietly without saying anything.

Song Lisa ’s heart grew colder and colder, and after a few seconds, she shook her head reflexively.

He felt bitter in his throat: “Lisa, this is no different from peacekeeping…”

“I’m not a fool!” She cried out in despair, her heart felt like it was being cut open by a knife. She endured it, suppressed her anger, and said word by word, “How many peacekeepers have been killed and injured in these days? How many Cook soldiers have been killed and injured? … And those who beheaded and tortured… Don’t you know how horrible they are?”

She suddenly thought of something, and then she became even more scared: “Does the army know that you did this privately? If it is exposed, will you be brought to a military court? Right?”

Li Jungkook  took a deep breath, and his heart seemed to be torn by two opposite forces. He didn’t know how he could have thrown the two of them into such a situation. Perhaps he hated himself at this moment. But now, he could only lie to her: “I will find a way to hide it. You don’t have to…”

“That’s not what I care about! I don’t want to see how many more people they killed on the news someday!” She covered her face with her hands, “Why would you… I was about to collapse when Mom was critically ill. Why are you doing this now?! Why on earth are you doing this?!”

“Lisa…” He went forward and wanted to hug her and comfort her.

She pushed him away and turned away.

After all, she was not used to fierce confrontations. After a loud shout, she fell silent instantly. She just lowered her head, supporting her thin arms on the table, which were shaking as if they would break in the next second.

Outside the window, the thin autumn sunlight shone in, shining on Li Jungkook ’s face, which looked empty, pale and unreal.

He felt a sharp pain in his heart. He walked forward, nervous and anxious, and tentatively reached out to hold her cold fist.

“Lisa.” He held her hand tightly and said very hard, “In the past six months, I have worked very hard every day to make myself stronger. I did it. I promise you, nothing will happen, okay? I will be very careful and will never…”

But she couldn’t listen anymore and suddenly asked, “When did you decide?”

Li Jungkook  was speechless for a while, then said, “…last month.”

Song Lisa ’s expression almost shattered, and she asked, “You planned to keep it a secret from me that you were going to the peacekeeping mission, but then you ran away and became a mercenary?”

Li Jungkook  opened his mouth and tried to say something with great difficulty, but to no avail.

How could he tell her the truth.

Cannot.

And perhaps no matter what the truth is, the harm to her will not be reduced in the slightest.

Any words of comfort and reassurance are in vain.

He suddenly discovered a fact that frightened him: he had done his best to serve his country and his family, but he would eventually fail her.

He said, “Yes.”

Very light, in one word.

Song Lisa  stared at him blankly. She could not stand steadily and swayed a little, like a piece of glass that would fall down and break at any time.

The two looked at each other silently and empty, as if all emotions were suddenly drained away.

Until his cell phone alarm rang, and it was time to go to the airport.

The alarm rang for a full half minute before Li Jungkook  turned it off. He lowered his head and covered his eyes with his hands. Guilt weighed on him like a thousand-pound stone, and he could not raise his head for a long time.

Song Lisa  slowly sat down on the table, and woke up a minute later. He asked, “Do you really have to go?”

“yes.”

“Then go ahead. I don’t know how you can hide it from the political commissar and the and the instructor, but I won’t report you.”

Li Jungkook  was severely stunned.

She had stood up, picked up the car keys, and said, “Let’s go to the airport first.”

…

In the autumn, the sun shines brightly, the leaves of the ginkgo trees turn yellow, and the sky is as blue as the deep sea. This is the best season and the most beautiful weather in the imperial city.

But the two people in the car remained silent all the way, and they drove through the autumn scenery to the airport.

Song Lisa  parked the car and took him to the departure level.

As we were getting on the escalator, Song Lisa  suddenly asked, “Did you bring enough clothes? The temperature there will drop a bit in December and January.”

“That’s enough. And it’s mainly military uniforms.”

“Oh.” She was stunned for a moment, then asked, “Where’s the cold medicine?”

“There are medics.”

She stopped talking.

He wanted to say, “Don’t worry.” But he didn’t say it.

He said, “I’m wearing Ran Chi’s clothes. Please tell her.”

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

No more words.

Li Jungkook  changed his boarding pass, walked to the departure gate, and looked back at her.

Song Lisa  followed behind him, raised her head, her eyes were clear and calm, without a trace of superfluous emotion.

He took a deep breath, pursed his lips and looked into the distance, then looked deeply at her, and finally took a step forward, put his arms around her shoulders and held her in his arms.

She leaned into his arms, looking up blankly, her eyes moist, and the mist of tears dissipated again.

…

He’s gone.

She sat alone by the indoor flower bed in the airport lobby, holding her cell phone, waiting.

Five minutes before the plane took off, she sent a text message: “A-Jungkook , please be careful.”

He quickly replied: “Okay.”

“There’s still a lot of time, so get some good sleep. Don’t get too tired.”

“Okay. Don’t worry too much about your mother. She’s getting better.”

“Um.”

“It took off.”

“Have a safe trip.”

Song Lisa  was still sitting in the airport. There was a crowd of people in front of her. She was waiting quietly.

Ten minutes after the plane took off, she edited a text message, looked at it for a long time, and hovered her thumb over the send button, lowering it and lifting it up again, repeating this twice, before finally clicking and sending it.

“Just do me a favor, please don’t contact me again.”