Soft Spot (Zayn Malik)

XV

Chapter Fifteen: Stay

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Zayn pulled away from the kiss, leaving me in complete shock. He had a proud smile on his face while I just looked at him, unsure of what to say. I gently and awkwardly ran my index finger on my lip, words refusing to come out. I inhaled sharply, still trying to make sense of what just happened. I shut my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief. My first kiss. Zayn Malik is my first kiss.

"Arvina?" He frowned. "Are you okay?"

"I..um..yeah." I uttered awkwardly before opening my eyes to look at him.

He just smiled at me, cupping my chin with cold fingers. I shuddered instantly at his touch, both from the coldness and the butterflies errupting in my stomach. It can't be. No. Things between Zayn and I - if there's even anything between us - are good, and I don't want to ruin it with a stupid, simple kiss. I was suddenly mad. No, I was beyond mad. Who does he think he is? Does he really think he has that certain power over people? I'm not his possession, and I certainly did not just waste my first kiss on the fifth ass. That kiss didn't mean anything. It can't mean anything.

"Are you sure you're okay?" His voice trembled with worry, eyebrows creasing together and brown eyes fixed intently on me.

I started to tear up. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help it. I angrily slapped his hand away from my face and quickly wiped the stupid tears away before they freeze. He just rubbed his hand soothingly and looked at me with pure confusion, obviously shocked at my mood's sudden change.

"I hate you," I sobbed, "I hate you so much."

"What- Arvina.." he stuttered, "if this is about the kiss-"

"The kiss? What kiss?" I laughed sarcastically, wiping another set of tears away, "it didn't mean anything, I hope you know that."

No, no, no. I'm lying now. I'm lying to Zayn. Lying to myself. I know well that the kiss meant something. I wouldn't feel tight knots in my stomach if it didn't mean anything, right? I know the kiss meant something, I just couldn't put my finger into it.

"Are you mad at me?" He gulped, eyebrows still formed into a frown.

"Just....just who the fuck do you think you are, Zayn?" I frowned, barely containing my sobs, "do you really think you can just toy with my feelings?"

"Arvina," he tried to reach for me, but I quickly backed away, "are you on your period?"

"No! This isn't a joke!" I growled.

"It was a serious question." He looked at me with worried eyes, stuffing his hands inside his pockets.

"How could you?" A sob managed to escape from my lips, "do you really think it's alright to mess with me? I'm sorry, I'm not one of your dolls, Zayn."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"That-that night. The first night you took me out. You made me believe that I'd wake up and you'll be next to me. But what did I find? A fucking sticky note." I chewed on my bottom lip until the skin started to break, "you left me, Zayn, You left me for five fucking months and now you're back with this bullshit that you'll always be here and that you'll protect me. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and find out that you're gone." I sobbed. "I don't want you to be gone. And I don't want to get attached, because I know sooner or later you'd leave and there's nothing that I can do about it."

"Arvina," he sighed as he took little steps to come closer to me, "I told you I'll never do that again."

"Bullshit." I scoffed. "Did you tell Alizia that too? That you're going to protect her from every wrong doing? Did you tell anyone in Paris that too?"