London, once blue, now red

I feel SICK

Isla's Pov

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in the apartment Millie and I shared. Leah and I had decided to sleep at our own places tonight, especially since I hadn't seen Millie in a while and was feeling guilty about it. Tonight was the night before our game against West Ham, and Sarina Weigman was going to be there. I had never felt more ill in my life. Every breath was shallow; my heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute, and I couldn't seem to relax. I knew exactly what could help me, but Vivianne had decided she knew what was best for me.

I decided I should at least try to sleep. I rolled over multiple times, trying to get comfortable. I would close my eyes and try to fall asleep, but my brain just wouldn't shut off, and the more I tossed and turned, the more it felt like I couldn't breathe.

Frustrated and desperate, I finally got out of bed. I needed Viv. She had my Xanax, which I used to calm myself down when I felt stressed. I searched frantically for my keys but couldn't find them. Cursing myself for not knowing where they were, I made a decision. I had to go to Viv's, even if it meant running there in the middle of the night.

Without another thought, I grabbed my phone and bolted out of the apartment, running through the quiet streets. My chest tightened with each step, the panic threatening to overtake me entirely. When I finally reached Beth and Viv's apartment, I banged on the door, almost in tears and struggling to breathe.

Beth answered the door, her face a mix of confusion and concern.

Beth: "Isla, what are you doing here? It's 1 a.m.!"

Isla: "I need Viv," I managed to choke out between gasps for air.

Beth didn't hesitate. She pulled me inside and called out for Viv. Within moments, Viv appeared, her expression instantly softening when she saw me.

Viv: "Isla, breathe. It's okay," Viv said gently, guiding me to the couch. She sat beside me, taking my hands in hers and helping me focus on my breathing. "In and out, slowly."

I tried to follow her instructions, focusing on her calm voice. Gradually, my breathing began to steady, and the tightness in my chest started to ease.

Isla: "I'm so sorry," I whispered, tears streaming down my face.

Isla: "I just... I needed the pills. I can't do this without them."

Viv shook her head gently.

Viv: "Isla, you don't need them. You're stronger than you think. We'll get through this together."

Her words brought a fresh wave of tears. I felt a mix of frustration and gratitude. I hated feeling so helpless, but Viv's support was unwavering.

Exhausted and emotionally drained, I eventually fell asleep on the couch, nestled between Beth and Viv. Their presence was a comforting reminder that I wasn't alone.

The following day, Beth and Viv gently woke me up. We had a big day ahead, and despite the rough night, I knew I had to pull myself together. We got ready quickly and headed to Arsenal to meet up with the team and get on the bus.

When we arrived at the Arsenal facilities, Leah was already there, waiting by the bus. She raised an eyebrow as she saw me, Viv, and Beth approaching together.

Leah: "Why did you all come together?" Leah asked, her curiosity evident.

I quickly tried to come up with a plausible explanation.

Isla: "Oh, you know, I just thought it would be fun to have a little morning walk together before the big day," I said with a forced smile, hoping she wouldn't press any further.